Sometimes even FBI Agents cry
by Miss P
Summary: Booth had never imagined that it would take a tragedy to bring him and Brennan closer. But then suddenly, she was his only reason for living. BB all the way!
1. Bad News

**Sometimes even FBI Agents cry  
(****SE****FBI****AC)**

_By Miss P  
_

_Summary: After a tragedy Brennan has to help Booth pick up the pieces of his broken heart.  
_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bones.  
_

_Authors Note: Just thought I'd warn you. This story involves the death of a child,  
and a lot of heartache… but also plenty of BB love and comfort._

_XxxxX_

**Chapter One – ****Bad News **

_Brennan had asked Angela to reconstruct the little boys face hours ago, now she decided to see what was taking the artist so long. When she stepped into the office, she found her friend still sitting with the sketch pad in her lap. _

"_Ange?" Brennan suddenly felt worried. Something wasn't right. Angela wasn't moving. "Angela?"_

_Angela turned to face her, that's when Brennan saw the horrified look on her friends face. Her eyes were all watery from unshed tears. _

"_Does this look like someone you know?" With trembling hands, Angela held up the drawing for Brennan to see._

_Brennan gasped out loud at the sight of the boy. She shook her head in denial. "No, no it can't be right. You did it wrong, it's… it's not him…"_

_There was a long, painful silence._

"_Sweetie, I did no mistake," the tears she had tried to hold back rolled down her cheeks. _

_Brennan wanted to cry too, but forced herself to be strong. Her voice trembled as she spoke. "How am I gonna tell Booth?" _

**Earlier that day**

"Bones, this is just..." Booth had to look away. Brennan lifted the remains out of the burnt car, carefully placing them into a black bag. She turned to her partner. "I know you don't like it when it's a kid. You don't have to be here. I can handle it."

"Uh it's okay," Booth's eyes wandered over the car. Or what was left of it. "How can anyone do something like this? That little boy... imagine how scared he must have been in there?"

Brennan watched Booth as he was watching the car. "Are you sure you don't want to go? You look kind of pale."

Booth chuckled despite the horror in front of them. "Geez Bones, I'm okay."

_XxxxX_

Several hours later, the bones were cleaned and laid out on the table at the Jeffersonian lab. Angela was already doing her thing, giving the little boy his face back.

When Brennan stepped into Angela's office later that day she found her friend still sitting with the sketch pad in her lap. She sat there motionless just staring at the drawing.

"Ange?" Brennan suddenly felt worried. There was something about the way she sat that felt wrong. Angela must have heard her calling her name, but she still didn't move. Brennan hesitated before walking further into the room. She watched her friend carefully. "Angela?"

Angela slowly spun the chair around turning to face her, and Brennan saw the sad look on her friends face. Her eyes were watery from unshed tears. Brennan started to feel scared. She had no idea what Angela was about to tell her, but she was sure she didn't want to hear it. Seeing the expression on her friends face was enough for her to know something horrible had happened.

Finally Angela spoke. "Does this look like someone you know?" with trembling hands, she held up the drawing for Brennan to see.

It took several minutes for Brennan to understand what it meant. Then she gasped out loud at the sight of the little blonde boy. She shook her head in denial. "No," she whispered. It couldn't be true. It would be too awful. "No it can't be right. You did it wrong, it's… it's not him…" Brennan couldn't breathe, she felt lightheaded as she kept on staring at the drawing. Surely, this had to be a mistake?

There was a long, painful silence.

"Sweetie, I did no mistake," the tears she had tried to hold back rolled down her cheeks.

Brennan wanted to cry too, but forced herself to be strong.

Her voice trembled as she spoke. "How am I gonna tell Booth?"

XxxxX

**_TBC_**

_A/N__: So you probably already know who the boy is? I know, it's horrible; I kind of hate myself for writing it. _

_B__ut I hope you continue reading anyway!_


	2. Crash and Burn

**Chapter ****two – Crash and Burn**

Brennan had gone through a million of different ways to reveal the horrible news, but none of them seemed good enough. There was just no good way to tell anyone something as horrible as this, so she settled with what she was used too, she'd tell him, as the doctor she was, not as his friend.

When Brennan stood looking down at the remains of the little boy, she felt her eyes sting. She had to turn away to not start to cry.

"Bones! Have you found out who he was?"

Slowly Brennan turned and saw Booth walk up to her. She could hardly manage a nod.

Hodgins and Angela were in the background, watching with sad eyes.

"You okay?" Booth watched her carefully, noticing the tears in her eyes. Brennan ignored his question. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. She couldn't do it, not like this.

"Follow me, please?" Clutching Angela's sketch pad to her chest, Brennan walked towards her office, Booth followed.

Both were settled on the sofa, but Brennan couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Bones, will you tell me today? The boy's parents deserve to know about their son."

Brennan took a deep breath, starting with the facts. When she'd told him everything she knew about the death, she knew she couldn't hide the horrifying truth any longer.

"I asked Angela to… uh… she drew…" her eyes were brimming with tears and a few slipped down her cheek.

"Now you're scaring me," Booth didn't know what to expect. This was _not_ like Brennan.

Brennan slowly turned the sketch pad. "She drew this," her voice was just above a whisper as she let Booth see the picture.

There was a long painful silence as Brennan watched him, watching the picture. He looked confused, shocked and angry all at the same time.

"Booth," Brennan put her hand on his arm. "There's no mistake, the little boy is Parker… I'm so sorry."

Booth shook his head in denial. He refused to believe what she'd just said. He looked down at the sketch. Closing his eyes briefly before opening them again, he looked at Brennan.

"You've done a mistake, you're wrong Bones."

Brennan just shook her head.

"Yes you're wrong! Parker's not dead, he is not dead do you hear me!" Booth was yelling now. He got up on his feet, but Brennan pulled him down again.

"You should sit for a while."

"I don't need to sit!" Booth snapped. "I need to hear that my son is alright. Because he is, okay? This is someone else," Booth threw the picture at the floor. "It's not Parker!" Tears were running down his cheeks now but he didn't even realize it.

It had to be a mistake; there was no question about it. He had spoken to Parker yesterday and he'd sounded so happy, so full of life. It was just impossible to believe that he was gone. Booth tore his eyes away from the sketchpad on the floor and looked at Brennan who was still holding his upper arm firmly.

She looked so miserable he almost flinched. And the way she looked at him... Booth had to look away. He couldn't stand seeing the sympathy in her eyes. She wouldn't look like that unless... unless she was right. But she couldn't be. She just couldn't.

"Booth?" Brennan whispered. "I don't know what to say... I'm... I'm so sorry. Parker was..."

"Is," Booth cut her off. "He IS... Parker is... he," Booth shook his head in despair, burying it in his hands. "God, no… no…" his body trembled as he cried.

"I'm so sorry Booth," Brennan put her arms around him, doing her best to try to comfort.

She didn't know how long they sat like that and she didn't care. Booth didn't move, he didn't make a sound. If Brennan hadn't known better, she would have thought he'd died too.

Booth knew Brennan and her team hadn't made a mistake. But he didn't want to believe them. How could it be true? How could his little boy be dead? That was more than he could handle. He wanted to scream or hit something, but he couldn't even move. He felt paralyzed with shock.

He felt Brennan loosen her hold of him, she said something. He didn't care.

Brennan slowly stood up. Her legs barely carried her weight. She couldn't believe she could be this affected, but seeing Booth like this hurt her much more than she'd ever imagined it could.

"I'm here for you Booth… always, you're not alone," she whispered, leaning down to kiss his forehead. "I'm…" she couldn't bring herself to say more. This whole situation was too much; she had no idea how to handle everything. She knew she had to get out of there, or else these intense feelings would suffocate her.

Quietly she left Booth sitting there and walked out of the office; she closed the door and continued walking. The tears she'd been holding back fell silently from her eyes.

Angela saw her and ran up to hug her. Brennan gladly accepted it. "How did he take it?" Angela whispered.

Brennan pulled away, looking at her best friend. The tears were now streaming from her eyes. "He..." her voice trailed off.

Angela nodded. "You don't have to say it… I already know."

XxxxX

_TBC_

_A/N Come on now! Tell me what you think. Good, bad, awful? _

_Well, killing Parker IS awful, and I'm sorry! But I had to do it._  
_And... it WILL lead to something good. I promise!_


	3. Not Alone

**Chapter ****three – Not alone  
**

Hours passed and Booth was still sitting in Brennan's office. She hadn't dared to go back, and the rest of the team had gone back to work. For once they were completely silent, none of them feeling comfortable working with the remains of the little boy that had been Booth's son.

Just as Brennan considered heading back to Booth, her office door opened. She stared at him, almost forgetting to breathe. He slowly walked towards her, and all she wanted to do was to run up to him and hold him. But she wasn't sure he would want that, so she stayed where she was, motionless.

Booth walked pass her and she suddenly realized where he was heading.

"Booth, I don't think you should…"

He didn't listen. When the squints realized he was coming they stopped what they were doing and backed away, giving him some space.

Booth walked as in a trance. He couldn't explain it, but he needed to see him, even if all that was left now was bones. He stopped in front of the table and just stared. His hand was trembling as he slowly reached out to touch the skull.

Brennan shook her head miserably. She couldn't believe something like this could happen. She wanted it to be a bad dream, that they all would wake up and none of it would be real.

She looked at Angela and Hodgins, she had never seen them this sad, they were just standing there with their heads bowed. Angela was sobbing openly and Hodgins' arm around her didn't offer much comfort.

Brennan looked at Booth and when she saw the tears that were silently running down his cheeks; she knew she had to do something. She couldn't just stand by and let him suffer alone. Without saying anything she walked to stand next to him. He looked at her, and their eyes met for the first time since she had told him the news.

"I can't say I know what you're going through right now, I haven't experienced anything like this. But if you…" her voice trailed off. "I'm here… for you," she repeated the words she'd spoken earlier in her office.

Booth nodded, speaking almost inaudible. "Thanks Bones."

"Hey I'll take you home, is that okay?"

Another nod.

_XxxxX_

"Are you sure I can't get you anything?" Brennan asked the same question for about the fourth time, and Booth just shook his head.

"Okay, I should head back to work, promise you call me if you need anything, or if you want to talk… or if… just call me okay?" Brennan hated to leave him alone, but she couldn't stay either. And besides she was sure Booth would want some time alone.

"Yeah… thanks," Booth mumbled.

Brennan opened the door, and before closing it again she took one last look at Booth. He didn't look back; he just sat there with his elbows leaning on his thighs, head bowed in his hands. He looked so... broken. Fighting back the need to cry, Brennan closed the door and ran back to the car.

_XxxxX_

The rest of the working day floated by as in a haze, no one knew how to handle this and they preferred working in silence.

Brennan couldn't work at all; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get the thoughts of Booth out of her mind. She felt extremely sorry for him, and she was afraid he wouldn't find a way to live with this loss. She knew how much he loved Parker, and she couldn't even imagine how he must be feeling right now. Maybe she should go to him? Maybe he shouldn't be alone?

She had thought he'd be angry, but instead he'd just broken down. Brennan wanted to cry when she thought of it. How he'd just sat there in her office, motionless. It scared her, much more than if he'd started to scream and hit something. She didn't like this at all.

Brennan looked up from what she was doing, and realized Angela was staring at her. She sighed.

"I can't..." she started but her voice trailed off. She didn't need to say it; Angela just needed to look at her to know what was on her mind. She couldn't concentrate on her job either.

"It's okay sweetie, go to him," she smiled a sad smile. Brennan wasn't surprised her best friend knew what she was thinking. She just nodded, slowly turning to leave.

_XxxxX_

She hesitated outside his door. What was she going to tell him? She never knew how to handle situations like this, she just felt awkward. But she knew she had to think of Booth, not herself right now. With trembling hands she opened the door and went inside.

"Booth?" she called out his name softly. The room was darkened but she could see him sitting there, at the exact same spot as she'd left him. The exact same position. Brennan walked up to the sofa and sat down next to him. She gently put her hand on his arm.

"Booth, look at me," she begged. He didn't move. "Seeley?"

Booth slowly straightened his back and turned to look at her.

Brennan felt her eyes water with tears when she looked at him. She hardly recognized him. There was something in his eyes that scared her. It was like he wasn't there; he was looking at her, without really seeing.

"I don't know what to say to you," Brennan said honestly. "But I didn't think you should be alone."

Booth didn't answer and Brennan felt even more insecure. What was she supposed to do? "You don't need to say anything, I just... I'm so sorry Booth... and I'm here... uhm, I'll be there when you're ready to talk."

She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. It felt like an eternity, but maybe no more than half an hour.

"Why?"

Brennan had never been so happy to hear his voice. It didn't matter if she didn't understand what he was talking about, as long as he said something. She smiled sadly. "What?" she asked softly.

"Why him... why Parker?" his voice was filled with pain.

Brennan sighed miserably. "I wish I had an answer to that Booth."

"I don't know how to... I just can't believe he's gone, I keep thinking to myself it's just a bad dream, that I'll wake up and see him smiling at me," Booth talked in a low voice and Brennan had a hard time hearing what he was saying.

"But then I think of the bones at the lab and I..." his voice trailed off. Booth looked up at Brennan not even bothering to wipe the tears away. "I called his school, his friend's parents; everyone... hoping that this whole thing was a mistake; that someone would say _he's right here_, but... no one knew where he was.."

Brennan listened without speaking.

"What happened?" he only managed a weak whisper. "How could he be in that car? How can he be gone?" Booth fought back sobs as he tried to speak. "Rebecca doesn't know... I can't... talk to her now. It's... I just can't..."

Brennan nodded, still not speaking.

"I can't do this Bones... I uh... I don't know how to survive this... it's just..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

Brennan had to fight hard against her tears. She took Booth's hand and squeezed it, hoping he would understand he wasn't alone; that she wanted to take all the pain away, if she only could. "We're going to find out what happened, and why, it won't bring Parker back, but..." Brennan quickly cut herself off. Why had she said that? She looked at Booth. "I'm sorry, you didn't need to be reminded of that... maybe I'm just making it worse I'm not very good at this..."

There was a long silence.

"Yes you are," he said it so low Brennan wasn't even sure he had said anything at all, but she thought she'd heard him and what he'd said meant the world to her.

She looked up at him and their eyes met. "Thanks," she whispered. She wasn't sure but she thought there was a small hint of a smile on his face. But when she saw the look in his eyes, she wasn't so sure anymore. The eyes that were looking back at her, showed nothing but pain and emptiness.

"Oh Booth," she whispered compassionately. "It's going to be okay... it has to be," without thinking too much about it, she wrapped her arms around him. Hesitating, Booth put his arms around her too, accepting the comfort. Brennan gently ran her hands across his back, once in a while letting her finger's run through his hair. After a while, she felt Booth relax against her. He leaned his head against her shoulder, burying his face in her hair.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**


	4. Steven's revenge

**Chapter ****four – Steven's revenge **

"Brennan," she spoke into the phone.

"I've got news for you, I've run the DNA on the blood we found in the car; it belongs to a man called Steven Mitchell, as does the fingerprint found on the windshield. I asked the FBI to check up on him; he's in the register for assault, two years ago."

Brennan pressed the phone closer to her ear, listening carefully as she tried to grasp what Cam was saying. Why did this whole thing sound so familiar?

Just as she opened her mouth to speak, it hit her. Two years ago... Mitchell... she didn't want it to be true, but it was...

"Oh my god, do you know what this means?"

"That little brother finally got his revenge,"Cam stated.

"I don't think Booth can handle any more bad news. He's gonna..." Brennan cut herself off, sighing.

"I know what you mean, he's gonna think it's his fault."

"Yes..." Brennan could see the whole picture before her. She could still remember that day two years ago. Craig Mitchell had murdered a woman in cold blood. It was Brennan and Booth who had made sure he was paying for his crime. Younger brother Steven had sworn to take revenge, none of them had taken his words seriously and as the years passed by, Steven and his brother was forgotten. Until now...

He had gotten what he wanted. He had once said he would make sure Booth would pay for putting his brother away; that he would make him suffer as much as much as Craig was. Only this was far worse...

Brennan never jumped to conclusions, but in this moment she was certain, there was just no one else with motive and means to do something that horrible, Steven had taken Parker, locked him into the car and set in on fire. He had done the worst thing he could possibly do.

How was she going to tell Booth? If it was possible, he would feel even worse.

"Dr Brennan are you still there?"

Brennan was brought back to reality as she heard Cam's voice. "Yes I was just thinking," the moment she said it she saw Booth coming out of the bathroom.

"Bones?"

"Was that Booth? Did you spend the night with Booth?" Cam asked and Brennan was sure she could hear a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Yes," Brennan answered honestly. It wasn't until she'd said it she realized how it had sounded. "I didn't think he should be alone, I slept on the sofa, just in case he'd need me," she added, feeling the need clarify her previous sentence.

"Okay I believe you. See you soon Dr Brennan." Brennan wasn't sure she had actually believed her, but right now she didn't have time to think about that.

"Actually..." she began. "I was thinking of staying with Booth today," she had lowered her voice, hoping Booth wouldn't hear her. She was sure he would protest. She was also sure that deep down, he appreciated her company, and just thinking of seeing those bones back at the Jeffersonian again made her cringe. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Not today.

"Okay, I understand," Cam simply said, and with that she hung up.

"Did you sleep well?" Brennan asked, watching Booth as he made it up to the sofa. She moved her pillow to give him some space.

"No I couldn't sleep... I uh... I couldn't stop thinking about..." he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

Brennan nodded, knowing what he was implying. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"I have some bad news, it was Cam on the phone... she has identified the..." she paused, thinking about how to say it. "The person who set the car on fire." she finished, watching Booth carefully. "It was Steven Mitchell, Craig Mitchell's younger brother..."

Booth looked totally confused for a while. But it didn't take long until he realized what it meant.

"Oh god," Booth was shocked. He remembered that case, and he remembered the threat, but neither him nor Brennan had taken it seriously. If he'd only known... What if he could have done anything to prevent this from happening? What if Parker's death was his fault?

No he couldn't think like that. He just couldn't, it would kill him...

_XxxxX_

Three days had passed since that awful day, and Booth was slowly starting to come out of the shock and face the truth. He had wanted to deny it, but he couldn't hide from the truth anymore. It wouldn't make it better; it would never bring his son back. There was nothing he could do, no matter how badly he'd want to.

The phone call with Rebecca hadn't made him feel any better either. He had dreaded making that phone call, but he'd known he'd have to talk to her. But he hadn't been able to call her directly after the horrible news about Parker. He'd known he would never have been able to tell her the truth; he hadn't even been able to bring himself to talk at all...

She hadn't said it straight out, but he was sure that on some level she was blaming him for what'd happened. She had been away on a business trip to Seattle and Parker had been Booth's responsibility. He had been at work for a couple of hours when he had learnt about the remains in the burnt car. He had gone there to check it out, thinking that Parker was safe in school. He realized now, he must have been taken right after Booth had dropped him off. And he hadn't even had a reason to worry either. They had made plans that Parker would go home with his friend Tyler later that day. But somewhere along the way there must have been a misunderstanding. Or else, why hadn't Tyler's mother called Booth and asked where Parker was? Why hadn't the teacher missed him? Had she simply assumed he had stayed at home?

Booth had tried to tell Rebecca all of this, but he wasn't sure she had even heard a word of what he had been saying. Or... tried to say. Both of them had been crying, never even trying to hide the fact that they were. Rebecca was devastated, and he knew exactly how she felt.

Booth was snapped out of his thoughts as a loud sound of a car blowing its horn. It was in the last minute he managed to get his SUV back into the right lane. His heart was pounding in his chest so hard he was sure it was going to explode. He tried to breathe, tried to pull himself together. The FBI building was in sight and Booth thanked god he had made it there without getting someone killed. Brennan had told him he shouldn't drive, but he hadn't listened to her, he realized now that maybe he should have.

Just as he had sat down behind his desk, Cullen knocked on the door. Booth looked up, giving him a tired look.

"You shouldn't be here Agent Booth," was the first thing the boss said. "I know what happened to your son."

Booth looked down at his hands, closing his eyes briefly, praying for the strength to make it through this day.

"I'm sorry," Cullen's voice was surprisingly soft. "Why are you here?"

Booth looked up. "I know who did this, and I won't rest until I'll find that son of a bitch and..." he was cut off.

"_**You**_ are not going to do anything; you are not allowed to work this case, Agent Booth."

"I have to, you can't take this case away from me... it's... it's all I have left."

"I understand how you feel, but I can't let you do this, go home, and stay there. Take a vacation, just don't, and I'm telling you, _**don't **_come back here until this case is solved. It's for your own good Agent Booth." Cullen left before Booth had a chance to talk. He left the door opened and Booth got out of his chair, slammed the door shut with a force that made the whole room tremble. The sound made him stop and think, but the anger came back just as quick. With a scream, Booth slammed his fist into the door, not caring about the pain as the wood made his skin bleed.

_XxxxX_

_TBC_


	5. Someone to blame

**Chapter ****five – Someone to blame **

It was a regular working day at the Jeffersonian, but none of the squints wanted to be there. Under normal circumstances they all loved their job, but right now, nothing was normal. Working with the remains of Booth's son was, as Angela had pointed out, _pretty much as bad as this job could get. _As they thought things couldn't get much worse, the alarm suddenly went off. Everyone looked up and saw a blonde woman running up the stairs to the platform, two guards chasing after her. Brennan looked a little closer; there was something familiar about her.

It took several seconds until it dawned on her; it was Rebecca. Brennan walked over to her, stopping the guards. She said a few words to them. Hesitating a while, they left, trusting Brennan to take care of the intruder.

"I want to see him, I _need_ to see him Dr Brennan," Rebecca demanded.

Brennan looked at her team, then back at the blonde. "Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she yelled. Brennan nodded, showing the way then leaving Rebecca to have some privacy. She walked to stand next to Angela.

"This just makes everything even more real, even more tragic," Angela whispered. Brennan agreed, sighing deeply. "I wonder if Booth knows she's here."

There was a long silence, and suddenly Angela talked. "I don't think so," she nudged her best friends arm. Brennan followed Angela's eyes, seeing Booth standing there. He was staring at Rebecca, the shock was written all over his face.

"Uh oh, I have a feeling this isn't going to be nice." Angela whispered.

"Why?" Brennan was confused. Of course Booth would feel awkward. But...

Before Angela had time to answer, Booth had started to walk towards them. That's when Brennan noticed the blood on his hand. She took the few steps that were separating them. "What have you done?" she grabbed his hand to study it.

If Booth hadn't felt so miserable, he would have enjoyed her concern. Now he just shook his head. "Nothing," he mumbled. He looked at Rebecca. "What is she doing here?"

"She wanted to see the victim," Brennan said it without thinking. And as soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them. "I didn't mean to say that, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"Seeley." Rebecca had noticed his presence now. She didn't move, she just stood there staring at him, tears silently running down her cheeks.

Finally she moved. "What did you say that man's name was?" it was the first thing she said as she approached Booth.

"Steven Mitchell."

Rebecca nodded, trying to hold back the tears. She stared at Booth and then she suddenly exploded. "It's your fault! Everything is your fault, it you hadn't put his brother in prison he wouldn't have had any reason to take revenge," she screamed, trying to hit Booth as she went on "And if you hadn't been working for that fucking FBI, none of this would have happened, Parker would still be alive if it wasn't for you!"

Booth was speechless, he couldn't even move, hardly breathe. Rebecca's fists hit his chest repeatedly; he didn't have the strength to make her stop.

He heard Brennan say something, but he couldn't hear what. His whole head was spinning and for a second he actually thought he was going to pass out.

He could hear Rebecca yell something else at him, he saw her fist coming toward his face. Brennan stepped in the way just in time to block her.

"How dare you say that to him? None of this is Booth's fault, I can't believe you'd..." she was cut off.

"This is between Seeley and me, get out of my way!" Rebecca was almost hysterical by now.

Brennan didn't move. Rebecca tried to push her away but Brennan grabbed her wrist. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"And why the hell is that?"

"Because you wouldn't want to mess with me, you hit _me_ and you'll regret it," Brennan said coldly. "Leave Booth alone, he's been through enough. He doesn't need you to make everything worse."

Angela watched the scene with big eyes. If the circumstances had been different, she would have enjoyed seeing her best friend step up to defend Booth. It was in fact very cute.

She also realized it was time to do something, because if she didn't, she was sure this would end up with Brennan using some of her martial art tricks on Rebecca. Angela couldn't deny the fact that it would be fun, and god knows, the girl did deserve it after saying those horrible things to Booth. But Angela also knew it was the grief that made her do it. Blaming someone was the only way for her to cope...

Sighing, Angela scurried over to the girls, placing her arm around Rebecca's shoulder "Yeah, she's right sweetie. Come on, let's take a walk," she said softly. Rebecca let herself be led away.

"I don't think she meant that Booth," Brennan put a protective hand on his arm.

"Maybe she didn't, but... she's right, if I hadn't..." he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Don't say that Booth, it is _not_ your fault," Brennan claimed, stressing the word not. "Why are you here by the way?"

"Cullen suspended me; I'm not allowed to work the case."

"What? Can he do that?"

"Yeah..."

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you think Bones, track the bastard down and kill him," Booth said. The anger in his voice made Brennan flinch.

"What about Cullen?"

"Screw him, screw the FBI, when I find this man, I promise you, I'll kill him, if it's the last thing I'll do I swear I'll kill him!" Booth was almost yelling now, and for once Brennan didn't know what to say.

Without saying anything more Booth turned and started to walk. Brennan's voice stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"Work, I can't just sit around doing nothing!"

Brennan felt offended, she wasn't sure but hadn't that been a hint? "What are you implying Booth? That we don't try our best here? I've worked very hard trying to find anything that can tell us where Steven is, we..." she was cut off.

"Have you?" his voice was so accusing and cold Brennan didn't know whether she'd be angry or start to cry.

"You know that we have. Even the FBI can't find him, you know that we..." she didn't have time to finish the sentence this time either.

"Just face it, you squints do nothing but stare at a pile of bones all day, that won't..."

Now it was Brennan's turn to cut him off. "I identified the body."

"You're not the only forensic anthropologist in this country."

"I'm the best, Booth and you know that," Brennan snapped.

"I'm really starting to doubt that," Booth shot back.

Now Brennan was starting to lose her temper. "You hadn't even known who that little boy in the car was if it wasn't for me!"

"Maybe that would have been better!"

That made Brennan stop and think. But only for a while. "You don't mean that," she lowered her voice. "You're upset and hurt but at least you know what happened, that's way better than not knowing at all." Brennan stared at Booth, noticing the change in his mood. She could hear him mumble something, but she couldn't interpret what. And he didn't seem to care. Without looking at her, he turned and started to walk. He didn't get far before he changed his mind and stopped and turned to look at Brennan.

"I'm...uh...," he looked down at his feet. "Sorry Bones," he whispered, still not looking up.

Brennan hesitated, then she walked up to him. "Go get the son of a bitch," she said. Booth looked up and into her eyes. He nodded, smiling a small sad smile.

Seeing him now, Brennan regretted yelling at him. She knew he hadn't really meant to hurt her. It wasn't strange he was acting the way he did. How much could a man take? Booth had been through much more than any person should ever have to go through, in just a few days.

"Booth it's okay," she whispered, reaching out to wipe a tear from his cheek. "I'll help you."

XxxxX

**_TBC__  
_**


	6. No rest for the wounded heart

**Chapter ****six – No rest for the wounded heart**

Another week slowly passed by, but for Booth it felt like an eternity. Days and nights just seemed to converge into an endless circle of time. He felt like he wasn't getting anywhere. Everything stood still, but at the same time the world was spinning faster and faster.

He couldn't eat and he couldn't sleep. Every time he'd tried, nightmares where haunting him and he'd wake up screaming and covered in sweat. He had stopped trying to sleep a long time ago. Instead he'd been trying to find Steven. A week had passed and there was no trace of the man. Booth didn't know how much longer he could take it. But he also knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he had caught him.

The funeral would be in three days. Booth never wanted that day to come. How would he be able to stand the thought of his little boy, in a dark coffin?

When he stopped his black SUV at the Jeffersonian parking lot, he saw Brennan coming towards him. Tiredly he got out of the car. He had meant to meet her half way, but as his feet hit the ground, he suddenly felt weak. A few steps made him realize he shouldn't walk. Hell, he probably shouldn't even stand.

She had called him earlier saying he'd need to come by to hear what she'd found out. He was sure she could have told him whatever it was, on the phone, and dragging him out of his apartment to the Jeffersonian was just a way to distract him for a little while. Booth appreciated the gesture, but he was just too tired. As he stood there, one hand still touching the car for support, he desperately longed for his sofa.

"We've got an address, I don't know if it's gonna lead to anything but I knew you'd want to try..." she paused, giving Booth a concerned look. "Just don't hope too much... it may be another dead end, there's a huge risk he's not there anymore."

Booth nodded. "Thanks Bones," he tried to smile.

"Can I go with you?"

"Sure," Booth gestured for Brennan to get in the car. That, he realized, was another reason. If she'd told him on the phone, she knew there would have been a huge risk he'd go without her.

Booth didn't know if she wanted to tag along just for the fun and excitement of it, or if she simply didn't want him to do it alone. He wasn't sure which option he preferred.

Instead of getting back into the vehicle, Booth didn't move. He tried to focus on Brennan but everything was blurred. His head was spinning so bad he had to grab the car with both hands to steady himself. He was dizzy and his legs threatening to give way under him. He felt Brennan grab him and hold him. Too tired to stand he leaned against her.

"You are _not _driving Booth," he could hear Brennan say. He didn't protest when she led him to the other side of the car. "Come on, get in."

Brennan placed herself in the driver's seat, reaching into Booth's pocket and got the car keys.

"Hey what are..." he was silenced.

"I'm not gonna let you get us killed, you can barely stand Booth, when was the last time you slept?"

Booth leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. "I don't know..." he mumbled. "I can drive, it's my car Bones..."

Brennan didn't answer; instead she started the car and left the parking lot.

"You should try to get some sleep, it'll be several hours until we get there," she said softly, giving Booth a quick look. She hadn't thought of it before, but she realized now he looked awful. Brennan reached out to touch his arm. "You look exhausted."

"I can't sleep."

"We'll find him, but you need to..." she was cut off.

"It's not that... I just... I uh... every time I close my eyes I..." his voice trailed off. "It's horrible..."

Brennan realized what he was talking about, and she felt even sorrier for him. When was this going to end? There was no answer to that, but Brennan had a feeling this was just the beginning. What would happen when they found the killer?

Brennan had no personal experience, but she knew in most cultures, losing a child was considered the worst thing that could happen to a person. It was wrong, unnatural. A child was supposed to outlive its parents. That was the way of life. And knowing how much Booth loved Parker didn't make the situation any better. Brennan knew what loss felt like, but she was certain Booth's situation was worse than anything she knew or had ever known. She just couldn't see how this would work out in the end. She didn't know if Booth would ever get over this.

"Why don't you stay at my place tonight?" she suddenly suggested, surprising both herself and Booth.

He opened his eyes and stared at her. "Why?"

Brennan hesitated before saying it. "Then I'll be there when you wake up."

There was a long silence, and for a moment Brennan thought he wasn't going to answer at all. And maybe that was for the best. What had she really meant with that offer? Was he going to sleep at her sofa... or her bed?

"Thanks Bones."

Brennan stared at him. She hadn't really thought he'd agree. But somehow she was glad he had.

"Hey, eyes on the road, geez Bones, weren't you the one who said you were an excellent driver?"

Brennan quickly took her eyes off him. "I _am_ an excellent driver," she said.

"I can't believe I'm letting you drive my car," Booth muttered, and Brennan had to smile.

XxxxX

**_TBC_**


	7. Somewhere down the road

**Chapter ****seven – Somewhere down the road**

It was getting dark outside when the car finally stopped outside a house. They'd been driving for more than two hours and the city lights had turned into fields and trees. The small house looked abandoned, the color had peeled off and some of the windows were broken.

"I don't think there's anyone here," Brennan sighed, eyeing the dark house.

Booth felt disappointed. Had they been driving all this was for no reason at all?

"Look Booth!"

He did. There was a pale light in what he guessed was the attic. Without hesitation Booth got out of the car and ran up to the door. His legs felt weak but he didn't care. If Steven was in there, he wouldn't let him get away...

Brennan hurried after him. "You're not gonna knock?" her question was left unanswered as Booth kicked the door opened. It fell down onto the floor with a loud crash, making Brennan jump. She stared at Booth, wondering what he would do to the person they'd find up there.

There was no time to think of that now. She had to run to catch up with Booth as he made it up the stairs. The door to the attic was ajar and he pushed it open so hard it hit the wall with a loud crash.

"FBI, stop or I'll shoot!" Booth had his gun pointed at a small woman, trembling in a corner. "Where is he?" Booth moved closer to her. "Where the hell is he?"

"Please don't hurt me... please," the woman started to cry. She tried to back away from Booth. He didn't see her fear, or perhaps he just didn't care. But Brennan did, and she knew she had to stop him before he'd do something he'd regret.

"Where is he?" Booth grabbed the woman by her throat and slammed her hard against the wall. The gun was pointed to her head.

"Booth stop!" Brennan yelled. "She doesn't know anything, you're scaring her!" he didn't listen and she ran up to him and grabbed his arm. "Booth!" he didn't listen. "It's not him, let her go," she gently tugged at his arm. Booth slowly loosened his grip of the woman and she was gasping for air. Bruises were already beginning to take form on her neck.

Booth backed away, but he kept his eyes on her, and the gun was ready to be used.

"Who are you?" he asked in a harsh voice. "Where is Mitchell?"

"I don't know who you're talking about... I haven't done anything wrong..." the woman sobbed.

"What's your name?" Brennan asked, trying to make her voice sound soft so she wouldn't scare the girl even more.

It took a while before she answered. "Jasmine."

Brennan nodded. "What are you doing here Jasmine?" There had to be a reason. No one would want to stay at this place without a good reason. Brennan scanned the room while waiting for the answer. It was an old attic full of dust and spider webs were hanging in heaps from the roof. The only furniture was an old table with only three legs. It looked like it would fall at any second, and the lamp sitting on top of it, giving the room a soft yellowish glow surprised Brennan. Seeing the condition of the house it was a wonder there was any electricity left. Brennan couldn't help but shiver. Jasmine looked so small and delicate. What could she possibly be doing there?

"I'm..." Jasmine's voice trailed off and she was silent a while again before she went on. "My car was stolen, he kept me here. Then he left just before you arrived. He took the car and I'm... I want to go home." Jasmines voice was weak and it trembled as she spoke.

"We'll take you home, it's okay. You're safe now," Brennan said. She threw a look at Booth. The anger burning in his eyes had faded, but he still looked tense as he was glaring at Jasmine.

"Who is _he_?" he asked abruptly. Jasmine cringed at the harshness in his voice.

"I don't know," Jasmine whispered. "I don't know anything."

"You're lying."

Jasmine just shook her head, not daring to meet Booth's eyes.

"How did he look? And if you say I don't know, I'll shoot you."

Jasmine shot Brennan a terrified look. "I can't... I don't remember..." she whispered. Brennan nodded. She turned to Booth. "You have to stop, she's too afraid."

"She knows something."

"It doesn't matter right now. Come on Booth, let's go home," Brennan put her hand on Booth's arm, forcing him to lower the gun. "Put that away," she said. Booth did as she said, but didn't look happy about it. "You should get some rest, you look horrible."

"Geez thanks Bones," Booth muttered feeling irritated. He turned to face the other wall, and the movement caused his head to spin. Groaning, he pressed his hand against his skull, closing his eyes for a moment. The dizziness didn't go away as he'd hoped. In fact it got worse. Booth rubbed his eyes, realizing he'd need to sit down before he'd pass out.

Staggering toward the door, he mumbled something incoherent. He didn't hear Brennan call his name.

"Booth?" she tried again. He didn't answer. Brennan threw a quick glance at Jasmine, then she followed Booth. She found him sitting at the top of the stairs, leaning against the wall. He had one hand pressed against his head.

"Booth are you ok?"

He just groaned in response. Brennan sat down next to him. "Hey," she whispered. "What's wrong?"

"I'm ok Bones, just tired," he whimpered. Brennan shook her head at how stubborn he was. She knew he was lying, but didn't push him into talking.

Getting to her feet, she took hold of Booth's arm. "Get up, I'll help you to the car."

He groaned "Not now Bones..."

"You can't sit there," she tugged at his arm.

"I can't...dizzy..."

"Booth come on, get up. I know you're tired but we really have to get going. I'll help you, okay? We're going to drop Jasmine off at the police station back in DC so she can report her car stolen."

Booth finally did as she said and his head immediately started to spin again. He had to grab her to not fall down the stairs.

Brennan placed her arm around his waist, making sure she was holding him properly before calling out to Jasmine. The girl peeked around the corner of the door. She looked anxious and scared, but she silently followed them as they made their way down the stairs to the car.

When Brennan had managed to get Booth into the passenger seat and placed herself behind the wheel, she allowed herself to really study him. He didn't just look tired. He looked sick. Brennan tried to not worry, but failed. Dragging her eyes away from him, she started the car and drove off.

"We'll find him," she threw a quick look at Booth expecting him to answer. He didn't even move. "Booth?" she reached out to touch his arm. He didn't respond. "Booth?" she raised her voice, shaking him, probably with more force than she should have. But there was still no response.

"Is he alright?" Jasmines soft voice was concerned.

"No."

Booth wasn't just sleeping, he was unconscious.

XxxxX

_"So much pain and no good reason why  
You cried until the tears run dry_

_And you say why, why, why, does it go this way._  
_Why, why , why, and all I can say is,_

_somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions_  
_Somewhere down the road, though we cannot see it now..."_

_**TBC**_

_**A/N:** Hey I just checked the story stats and saw that a lot of you have faved this story and has it on story alert.  
Thanks so much! I'm really glad you like it : ) Maybe you could leave a little review as well, you know, just a few words to let me know what you think? ; ) _


	8. In Brennan's arms

**Chapter ****eight – In Brennan's arms **

She had insisted, and he had accepted her offer. He had even felt glad about it. But lying in Brennan's bed now only made him feel awkward. She was sleeping on the sofa, but she could just as well be lying right next to him. Everything in the room reminded him of her. Her clothes on a chair, her photos on the nightstand, her scent on the pillow. Booth couldn't explain it, but being there now made him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time.

If he had been in the condition to protest, he would have insisted he'd take the sofa, but she had led him straight to the bed and he'd collapsed onto it, way too weak to complain. It didn't help though, he still couldn't sleep. He didn't dare to close his eyes, not even Brennan's promise of being there when he'd wake up made him feel any better.

But he was so tired. This day had been another disappointment and Booth didn't know what to do anymore. He was both physically and emotionally exhausted. The dizziness hadn't left, and the two hours' drive back to the city that he had spent unconscious, hadn't really helped either. He still had to fight against the blackness that was threatening to devour him. Booth didn't even remember that they'd left the abandoned house, and when he'd woken up the first thing he'd seen were Brennan's worried eyes staring back at him.

"_I must have fallen asleep,"_ he'd mumbled still confused.

Brennan had just looked at him. _"You passed out Booth."_ She'd whispered and that's when he'd noticed the tears in her eyes.

"_I'm ok Bones, really."_ He'd assured her. He knew now that maybe that that _had_ been a lie. He felt far from okay.

_XxxxX_

Brennan awoke by a sound. First she didn't know where she was, and it took a while for her sleepy mind to remember Booth was actually sleeping in her room... in her bed. With a yawn Brennan sat up, threw the cover over the back of the sofa and got up.

The room was dark when she peeked inside. The only source of light was the moon that fell across the floor.

"Booth?" she whispered. She was careful to not speak too loud in case he was sleeping.

"I'm awake," he whispered back. His voice was trembling and that's when Brennan realized something was wrong. She hesitated, should she go to him, or did he want to be alone? Then she remembered her promise. She went inside and walked up to the bed, sitting down.

Booth got up in a half sitting position, leaning against an elbow. He looked at Brennan, trying to get his body to stop trembling. It was impossible, the images of the nightmare still lingered.

"Hey, it's okay..." Brennan climbed onto the bed, moving a bit closer so she could touch him.

"I'm sorry," Booth whispered.

"For what?"

"That I woke you up... you should go back to sleep Bones."

"No," Brennan gently ran her hand across his arm. "I said I'd be here, now let me, let me help you Booth."

"Bones I..." his voice trailed off. He looked away, and when he finally looked back at her, she could see fear and pain in his eyes. He nodded. "Thanks."

Brennan smiled a sad smile. She remembered Angela's words. _"Just be there for him, he's gonna need you sweetie. __**Really**__ need you..."_

Without thinking Brennan scooted over to his side, placing her arms around him. He was still shaking, and his skin was damp with sweat. Brennan didn't say anything. What could she say? She had never been good at these things, and this time wasn't an exception. But she did what she could and she hoped Booth knew that.

None of them knew how long they'd been sitting like that, and it was Brennan who first pulled away. "You should try to get back to sleep," she said softly. Booth shook his head immediately,

"Seeley," Brennan whispered, surprising both herself and Booth when she used his first name. "I'm staying... here..." she added. "Don't worry." Brennan lay down on her back, facing Booth, waiting for him to do the same. "I promise it's okay... you're gonna be okay," she whispered as she saw his doubting look.

"What, you're gonna scare the nightmares away?"

Brennan chuckled softly. "Yes."

_XxxxX_

Booth was first to wake up in the morning. He was surprised to realize he didn't feel so tired anymore. Was it possible he had slept one whole night without...

That's when he felt someone move against him, hair tickling his face. Startled Booth opened his eyes. Everything came back to him as he saw the still sleeping anthropologist curled up against him. He was at Brennan's place, in her bed, with her! Booth felt the panic rise inside of him. What was he going to do?

But he calmed down just as quick. They hadn't done anything unprofessional; they'd just slept in the same bed. Booth let his fingers run through her hair, not being able to resist, he let his hand linger on her cheek. She was beautiful when she was sleeping; she looked so peaceful, like an angel.

"Thanks Bones," he whispered. "I don't know what I would have done without you." It was the truth. She had been there for him in so many ways. Booth knew that if it hadn't been for Brennan he wouldn't have been where he was now.

Booth carefully untangled himself from Brennan and got out of the bed, heading for the bathroom. He was sure she would find the situation very awkward if she'd wake up and realize she was sleeping with her head on his chest.

_XxxxX_

He was sitting in the sofa when she came back from a shower. She smiled a bit hesitatingly, not sure of how to act. "You okay?" she finally asked.

Booth nodded. "As good as I can be... I uh... thanks for... well..." he couldn't find the right words to say.

Brennan stared at him. "Did you mean it?" she blurted out after being quiet for a long time.

Booth looked confused. He had no idea what she was talking about. Did he mean what? No matter how hard he tried he couldn't come up with anything that made sense.

"What?"

Brennan sat down next to him. "What you said... in the... in bed..."

Booth stared at her with big eyes. He suddenly realized what she meant. The problem was that she hadn't been supposed to hear it. Not that it hadn't been true; he really couldn't have made it this far without her. But he wasn't ready to let her know that...

But he couldn't lie could he?

"Yeah.. Bones... I meant it," he finally said. Suddenly the situation felt very awkward. He'd thought she'd been sleeping, but she had heard everything, felt him touch her face...

What was she thinking now? What had he been thinking of? They were just partners. But why did he feel like this now? Why had he felt so good sleeping next to her, feeling her arms around him as he'd cried? Why did the pain feel slightly more bearable, just being in the same room as her?

There was something special about Brennan and he knew that. But right now he wanted things to be just as they'd always been. Anymore changes would be too much for him to handle. He wanted Brennan as a friend and a partner, nothing more... at least that was what Booth tried to tell himself over and over again...

"I'm... that's good Booth," Brennan finally said.

"Yeah. Great."

"Yes.

They stared at each other; none of them knowing what to either do or say.

Finally Brennan cleared her throat and began talking. "I have to... go, I'm late already. Do you want to come along?" She got up on her feet, grabbed her coat and headed for the door.

Booth shook his head no. "But thanks for asking."

Brennan nodded, flashed him a quick smile, then she hurried out the door. Booth stared at the closed door for a long time, and then he finally leaned back in the sofa. He wondered if she even realized she'd just left him in her apartment. Booth wondered what he was supposed to do now. Leave, or wait for her to come back?

As he sat there, he suddenly felt like someone was watching him. He frowned. Maybe he wouldn't have to wait so long after all.

"You forgot something Bones?" he asked and turned toward the door, expecting to see her standing there. The room was empty though.

"Bones?"

Everything was silent, but he could still feel the presence of someone. Booth shook his head, thinking that maybe he was going crazy. Unwillingly he came to think of the times he had played hide and seek with Parker, and as the thought crossed his mind his heart ached. Booth closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of the feeling. That's when he heard it. First it was so low he wasn't even sure there was something there at all. But the sound grew louder and Booth could swear he heard the giggles of a little boy.

With a gasp, his eyes shot open, he jumped to his feet scanning the room. But there was nothing there and the sound was gone. Booth held his breath as he waited, and there it was again. Laughter. It only lasted for a brief second before it disappeared again.

Booth's voice was trembling so bad he could barely say the name.

"Parker?"

XxxxX

**_TBC_**


	9. To where you are

**Chapter ****nine - To where you are**

The weather was nice the next morning. The memorial service was held outside. It was a small crowd, just the closest friends and family. The coffin was surrounded by beautiful flowers in a variety of colors. A photo of Parker stood at the side. His blonde hair was ruffled and hung in his eyes. He was smiling like he had no care in the world. The photo had been taken only a few months before the murder.

A priest was talking, but Booth didn't hear the words. It felt like he was trapped in some kind of bad dream. That soon he would wake up and none of this would be real. He couldn't move, he could barely breathe. He had dreaded this day. He had known it would be hard. But it was more than that. It was unbearable.

In some kind of dazed state of mind, he could feel a hand on his arm. He didn't need to look to know it was Brennan. Slowly, he placed his hand on hers squeezing it, letting her know he appreciated her support.

Booth kept his eyes on the photo. It was bearable at least. And it was how he wanted to remember his little boy. Smiling, full of life. He didn't want to look at the coffin, he just couldn't stand it.

In the corner of his eye he saw people beginning to move. Rebecca walked past him. She was crying openly as she laid a bouquet of flowers on top of the other flowers already sitting there. She stood there for a while, whispering something. Her shoulders shook as she cried. Booth felt like crying himself, but he was numb. It was like all emotions had left him and all he could do was to stand there. Like an empty shell.

"Seeley," the sound of her voice made him focus. Rebecca was standing in front of him. She threw a look over her shoulder, then back at Booth. He knew what she meant, but how in the world would he be able to bring himself to walk up there? To say his final farewell.

Brennan squeezed his hand. "Do you want me to go with you," she whispered.

Booth couldn't bring himself to answer.

"Booth?" Brennan gently tugged at his hand and he forced himself to move.

Brennan led him over to the coffin, not caring about the looks they received. They stopped in front of the coffin and Brennan let go of Booth's hand. She wasn't good at this, but she guessed he would want some privacy.

She took a step back, silently watching him. But he didn't speak. He didn't even move. He looked so lost Brennan had to fight the need to rush back and take him in her arms.

"Bones?" it was the first thing he said, and Brennan wasn't the only one being surprised. She could sense a small stir in the crowd, eyes focusing on her as she stood there, stunned. It took a few seconds until she grasped what it was he wanted. It was her. Brennan felt both sad and flattered at the same time. Some part of her liked the thought of him needing her that badly, but another part was afraid. She didn't understand what it meant? What it might come to mean.

Pushing her thoughts and feelings aside, Brennan walked to stand next to him.

"I'm here," she said.

"I can't do this, I can't say goodbye."

Brennan tried hard to fight back tears, but a few slipped down her cheeks anyway. She swallowed hard. "Yes you can," she almost choked out. She swallowed again. "It's not a goodbye, Parker will always live inside your heart Booth, you have to know that."

There was a long silence. Brennan gently laid her hand on the small of his back. Touching him, she could feel his muscles tremble as he reached out to touch the cold wooden coffin. Booth didn't speak, but Brennan didn't blame him. Seeing him like this, she was surprised he could even stand.

It felt like they'd been standing there for hours, but in reality it couldn't have been more than a few minutes.

The rest of the ceremony went by as in slow motion. Booth was barely aware of Brennan's hand now resting on his arm. When people came up to him to give their condolences, he managed just enough energy to mumble a thank you.

When the service was over, Brennan drove Booth home. She knew he probably should have stayed to socialize, but it was clear he wasn't in any condition for that.

She was sitting on the sofa when he came back from a shower. He had changed out of his suit and was now wearing a back T and faded jeans. His hair was still dripping wet.

"How are you feeling," she asked. "Do you want to be alone, I can go..."

Booth sat down next to her, sighing loudly. "No," he mumbled. "I don't want to be alone now," he said honestly. Then he realized what he'd said and immediately felt stupid. "But if you don't want to be here... you can..."

Brennan shushed him. "I'll stay," she whispered the words so low she wasn't even sure he'd actually heard her.

"Thanks Bones."

Brennan gave him a tiny smile, reaching out to wipe a few drops of water from his forehead. Their eyes met and before Brennan had a chance to realize what was happening, he kissed her. The kiss ended almost as soon as it'd begun and Booth pulled away with a shocked looked on his face. Brennan was speechless.

"I'm sorry Bones," Booth looked down at his hands. "I'm..." his voice trailed off. Why on earth had he kissed her, just like that?

Finally Brennan managed to find her voice. "Don't worry about it," she mumbled, not knowing what else to say. She had felt something when he'd kissed her, and it scared her. But if it was what Booth needed right now, how could she deny him that?

The radio was playing softly in the background, and a song suddenly caught Booth's attention. It was a male singer and his voice was like the voice of a God. The lyrics went straight to his soul and he could feel his eyes fill with tears.

_"Who can say for certain, maybe you're still here  
I feel you all around me, your memories so clear"_

Fresh pain shot through his heart and he had to fight hard to not scream out loud. It wasn't fair. Why would Parker have to be taken away? He was so young. Booth pressed his eyes shut, trying to hold himself together. He just couldn't stand to know that he'd never get to see his son again. It was wrong. He wasn't supposed to outlive his child. If someone had to die, it should have been him.

"_Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star  
I wish upon tonight, to see you smile  
If only for awhile to know you're there  
A breath away's not far, to where you are"  
_

Brennan was watching him and when he finally opened his eyes she spotted the tears that were threatening to fall. Brennan frowned, unsure of what to do next. Maybe she should go after all. She had no idea of how to handle this. She didn't even know why she was still there.

But as she saw the miserable look on Booth's face, she knew she couldn't leave. Sighing, she leaned back in the sofa. She reached out laying her hand on his shoulder, tugging at him to lean back. He did, and she let her arm snake around his neck to finally rest on his chest as he leaned against her.

"Bones."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"It's nothing Booth."

There was a silence.

"Yes Bones, it means everything. I don't know what I would have done without you." Booth confessed. Sighing sadly he let himself relax against Brennan. His head leaned against her shoulder and Brennan absentmindedly let the fingers of her free hand run through his still wet hair.

As they sat there Booth suddenly became aware of a soft shimmering light at the corner of the room. He turned his head slightly, not wanting to alert Brennan. He couldn't explain why, but he didn't want her to know about the laughter he'd heard the other day. And he didn't want her to see whatever it was he was seeing now. It felt too private. As if it was meant for him only.

Booth squinted at the light. It didn't change, neither did it go away. It hovered in the corner, transparent and soft, filling Booth with a warmth and calm that he just couldn't explain.

Booth closed his eyes, the slow caress of Brennan's fingers relaxing him further. He couldn't explain it, but being this close to her actually comforted him. Nothing could take the pain away completely, but he actually felt a lot better just being in Brennan's arms. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

The light slowly started to take on the form of a little boy. A set of brown eyes watched Booth as he was sleeping in Brennan's arms. The boy smiled a warm and content smile as he watched them.

The smile grew as he heard Booth whispering his name out loud.

"I'm here daddy," Parker whispered. Then he faded and the room turned dark again.

XxxxX

**_TBC_**

_**A/N:** So… about this ghost thing; either it's simply a product of Booth's imagination, or Parker is still there with him in spirit.  
I don't want to say what's wrong or what's right. You decide : ) either way I wanted something that would make Booth feel less alone and something to comfort him, other than Brennan, that is.  
__I hope it doesn't make any of you feel awkward or something. It was never my intention. Well, hope you liked this chapter! Thanks everyone for the reviews! And sorry for this long authors note : )  
_


	10. Whiskey lullaby

**Chapter Ten ****– Whiskey lullaby**

Next day passed without any new leads. The big drops of rain on the windshield didn't make Booth feel any better. The city was grey and wet as he parked outside of the first bar he could find. It was late, but he couldn't sleep. Lying in bed twisting and turning had been driving him crazy, so he'd thrown on a pair of jeans and a white shirt before leaving his apartment.

Sitting at the bar now, with a whiskey in his hand he couldn't help but wonder where Brennan was. It had been the second morning that they'd woken up together. Booth almost smiled as he thought of her soft hair tickling his face. He couldn't deny that he liked being close to her. It made him feel so much better. To himself, he even dared to say he needed her.

If she hadn't been there right next to him at the funeral, Booth was sure he would have died too. He knew it wasn't possible to die from a broken heart. Brennan had pointed that out several times. But as he'd been standing there staring at the coffin that contained the remains of his little boy, he was sure Brennan had been wrong. Because surely, there was no way he could live in a world that Parker wasn't a part of.

Booth emptied the glass, ordering a new immediately. The golden liquid burned his throat as he continued drinking. It felt nice, numbing.

Booth didn't keep track of the time. Several drinks later he looked at his watch. The little numbers there were blurred and seemed to dance around. Booth squinted at them, but they wouldn't stop dancing. He gave up. Did it really matter anyway? He didn't have anywhere to go. He couldn't sleep; he could as might as well be staying there the whole night. Booth ordered another drink, not noticing the bartenders' hesitation as he handed over the glass.

Just as Booth was about to drink, his cell phone started buzzing. He put the glass down and picked the phone up. It was Brennan's number on the display. Booth made a little whistle.

"Bones!" he answered.

There was a silence. "Booth?"

"Yeah," he laughed, not really knowing at what. "You ever noticed how the rain looks against a window?" Booth had turned on his stool and was studying the windows. The raindrops there were running down the glass, making patterns on their way.

"Wha…" Brennan was confused. "Are you drunk or something?" she didn't wait for him to answer. She didn't have to. It was crystal clear. "Where are you?"

"Uh."

"Booth tell me where you are."

"I don't know," he was surprised to realize he actually didn't. He hadn't really cared where he was going, so he hadn't paid much attention to the street names or any kind of names.

Brennan sighed exasperated. "Ask someone then, is anyone else there?"

Booth looked around, catching the bartender looking at him. "Hey, you know where we are?" he asked.

The guy shook his head in amusement. "Here give me the phone," he reached for it but Booth didn't let it go.

"Why?"

"Do you want your friend to get here or what? Give me the damn phone."

Booth snorted, but did as the man said.

XxxxX

Twenty minutes later Brennan stepped through the door. She immediately spotted Booth, heading up to him.

"Bones!" he exclaimed, reaching out to pull her into a tight hug. Then he held her there until Brennan tried to squirm out of his embrace.

"Whoa, how much have you been drinking?" she asked as she was free and placed on a chair next to his.

Booth shrugged.

"Way too much," the bartender muttered. "Make sure he gets home alright."

"Of course," Brennan promised.

"I'm not _that_ drunk," Booth complained.

"Yes you are."

"Do you wanna dance?"

His sudden question surprised her. "I don't think you'll be any good at that at the moment."

Booth looked offended. "I can dance."

"Ok." Brennan jumped off her chair, waiting for Booth to join her. She reached out a hand. "Come on then."

Booth carefully climbed off the chair to join Brennan. As soon as his feet hit the ground the whole room was staring to sway. He ignored it and tried to walk, tumbling straight into her. Brennan caught him before he'd fall. She couldn't help but chuckle. "I don't think we should dance Booth."

"Uh…" he groaned. "Maybe you're right."

"Why did you drink that much?" she asked. But as soon as the words had left her mouth she knew the answer.

"You feel better." It was meant as a question, but it came out as a statement, and Booth nodded in agreement.

"I guess that's good, but you can't… this is not healthy."

"Healthy?" Booth repeated. Then he laughed, wrapping his arm around Brennan's shoulders.

"Come on Bones, what do you say?"

"About what?"

Booth didn't have an answer to that.

"I'm taking you home now, you should sleep." Brennan started to walk, almost dragging Booth with her.

"I can't sleep without you."

Shock almost made her stop walking. "Booth what are…" she was cut off.

"Will you sleep with me?"

Brennan wasn't sure what he'd actually meant with that, and decided to go for the safest option. "You can stay at my place, sure."

"Great Bones."

XxxxX

**_TBC_**

_A/N: Hope you found it refreshing with this little less depressing chapter : )  
I wanted to make it a little lighter, but with the underlying sorrow still there and figured a drunk Booth would be a pretty good way to achieve this._


	11. Expect the unexpected

**Chapter ****eleven – Expect the unexpected**

It was Saturday and Brennan didn't have to work. But as she sat in her sofa staring into space, she almost considered going to the Jeffersonian anyway. She didn't know what to do to make the time pass. Booth was still sleeping in her bed. Brennan shook her head in amusement as she thought back at last night. He'd been so drunk he'd barely been able to stand. She couldn't deny the fact that Booth was funny when he had been drinking, but that didn't mean she liked it when he did, especially not now when she knew his reasons.

Brennan had eaten breakfast hours ago, and was seriously considering waking Booth up. She couldn't understand how he could sleep for so long, hung over or not.

She'd just picked up a book when she heard noises from the bedroom. She put the book away.

"Slept well?" she asked as Booth finally walked into the room. He was wearing nothing but black sweatpants, which had slipped dangerously low. Brennan had to remind herself to not stare at him.

Booth mumbled a response, dragging his feet up to the sofa and collapsed in it. He groaned.

"You're hung over," Brennan stated the obvious.

"Tell me something I don't know Bones. I have the worst headache ever."

"That doesn't surprise me."

Booth just groaned. Brennan got up and left the room, when she came back she handed Booth a huge glass of water and a white pill.

"Take this," she said. He did as she said, taking the pill and a few sips of the water.

"Thanks Bones," Booth put the glass on the table. Brennan picked it up, giving it back to him.

"Drink, the water will help your body clear out the alcohol faster."

Booth sighed, but emptied the glass before putting it away a second time. Then he leaned back, closing his eyes.

Brennan took the opportunity to watch him. He didn't look tired anymore, not physically at least. But he didn't look like the carefree fun guy he'd used to be, and it saddened Brennan. She wondered if he'd ever look like that again. As she studied him, she couldn't help but let her eyes travel over his bare muscular chest, across his stomach down to… Brennan blushed as she realized what she was doing. She tore her eyes away, only to find them wandering back just as fast.

"Are you checking me out?" Booth suddenly asked. There was a hint of amusement in his voice. He opened his eyes to look at her.

"Were you?" he grinned, enjoying Brennan's embarrassed look.

"No."

"Yes you did. Like what you see Bones?"

Brennan was humiliated, but it didn't stop a smile from taking form on her lips. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed hearing his jokes and bickering.

She suddenly realized he was waiting for an answer. "I uh…" she paused. "Yes, I find you very attractive to look at," she finally confessed.

Booth laughed softly.

"So I guess the headache is starting to wear off?"

"It's better."

Brennan nodded. "You hungry?"

Booth hadn't thought of it. But now when she mentioned it, he was actually starving. He nodded.

"You have anything?" he smiled knowing at Brennan.

"Hey don't use your charm smile on me," she chuckled.

Just as she was about to get up, Booth's phone started to ring. He lazily brought it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Agent Booth?" a nervous female voice spoke.

"Yeah it's me."

"It's Jasmine. I have to tell you something."

Booth sat up abruptly. "What?" his voice changed back to its nowadays hard, weary tone.

"I lied to you, but I was so scared."

"It's ok. You're safe now. Tell me everything."

"I think I know where this guy… uh… Stephan is."

"Steven?" Booth could barely say the name.

"Oh yes, that's his same. He's the one who stole my car. He threatened me, and I…" Jasmine's voice trailed off. She was silent for a while and then she went on. "I overhead him talk to someone on the phone. He said he'd be going to Highlands Terrace out in Accokeek in the morning. And then you came and I guess he could have gone there earlier. It's all I know."

"You sure there's nothing more?"

"I promise."

"Ok, thank you."

"Agent Booth?"

"Yes?"

"I don't know what he did to you, but the pain in your eyes tells me it's bad. I thought you'd want to know this so you can find him. "

Booth nodded and sighed. "Thank you," he whispered. Jasmine hung up, Booth listened to the dial tone for several seconds.

"Booth, what did she tell you?" Brennan's voice snapped him back to reality. He put the phone back into his pocket.

"That was Jasmine," he stated. Brennan nodded knowingly. "She thinks she knows where Steven is."

They started at each other a long time, and then Booth shot up, rushing into the bedroom. He was back almost before Brennan had realized he was gone, this time wearing jeans.

"Come on Bones," he yelled as he rushed toward the door trying to take his shirt on at the same time.

"Wait, Booth!" Brennan chased after him. "We can't just run, we need a plan. Take it easy."

"I know this area, it's just a few houses there; we'll get him Bones!"

Before Brennan could stop him, he was dressed and on his way through the door. "You coming or what?"

Brennan sighed, running after him. If they'd actually find Steven, Brennan wasn't sure she knew what Booth would do. He'd promised he'd kill him if he'd ever get the chance, and she actually feared that he'd meant it…

XxxxX

**_TBC_**


	12. Out of control

**Chapter ****twelve – Out of control **

Booth had been right. It hadn't been hard to find Steven. Booth had seemed to know where he was going, almost as if he'd had some kind of radar telling him exactly where to look. Brennan didn't know if she should be glad that they'd managed to find the man, or if she should wish they never had.

Light rain fell on the barns tin roof. Across the lawn stood a two story red house that probably had looked good once. There were no light in the windows, and paint was starting to fall off.

Inside the barn, Booth had his gun pressed up against Stevens' throat. His head was spinning with rage, but the younger man was just staring back with a wicked grin on his lips. Steven wasn't afraid. He had been taken by surprise when Booth had stormed inside with Brennan in tow, but in some twisted way, he seemed to be enjoying the situation.

"Don't shoot him Booth," Brennan tried her best to speak in a calm voice. "It doesn't do any good."

"He killed my son Bones, why the hell would I let him live?" Booth growled.

Brennan flinched at the pain in his voice. This was a situation she had known they would find themselves in, but she hadn't been prepared, not really. One part of her wanted Booth to shoot the bastard, but another part of her didn't want him to have another death at his conscience. It would only hurt him more. And what would happen to him when the cops found out? Brennan didn't dare to think of that.

Steven laughed. "I enjoyed every second of it, his screams were like music to my eyes," he spoke in a singsong voice. Booth pushed the gun harder against his throat and Steven let out a choking sound, struggling to catch his breath.

Brennan could see Booth's finger on the trigger twitch. He looked so furious she was sure he wouldn't listen to her, but she tried to reason with him anyway. She had been right, he wasn't listening.

"Booth!" she yelled again, trying to get his attention. "Booth please," she grabbed his arm. "Don't, you don't want to kill him." He still didn't listen. Brennan could feel his body tremble with held back emotions.

"Listen to me!"

Booth let out a growl, shoving Steven into the wall, taking a step away from him. He turned the gun on Brennan. "Stay out of this," he snarled.

Brennan couldn't help but gasp out loud. She was too shocked to remember how to talk. Booth's hand was trembling so badly he could hardly hold the gun still. Brennan realized his finger was still on the trigger.

"Whoa, easy Booth," she whispered. "Just put the gun down."

"No," he growled. "I have to do this."

"No," Brennan spoke in a calm voice, but she felt far from calm. "He is not worth it. Think of Parker. He wouldn't want you to kill someone."

Steven snorted. "Come on, what was he worth anyway, just a useless kid."

"Shut up!" Brennan yelled at him. The situation was bad as it was, they didn't need some idiot to make it worse.

Booth couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't care what happened to him. He needed to do this. He knew it was wrong, but at this moment he was too angry to care. He turned the gun back at Steven, who just grinned. Seeing the twisted look on his face only fueled Booth's anger more.

"Son of a bitch," he didn't shoot, but the gun hit Steven's head with enough force to knock him to the floor.

Brennan took the opportunity to try to calm Booth, but she soon realized it was too late. There was nothing she could do. Steven had pushed him too far.

"Let me do it," she suddenly blurted. It caught Booth's attention for a second. He stared at her. "I'll shoot," she said. "I'll make him pay."

"Bones," Booth's voice was just a tired sigh and for a moment she saw affection in his eyes. But when he spoke again, his voice was hard and cold. "Get away from me Bones; I don't want you to see this."

"No."

"Damn it Bones," Booth yelled. Brennan almost fell as she stumbled backward to get away from the gun he was pointing straight at her. "Leave… me… alone," Booth growled at her. His voice was low and dangerous. Brennan felt a chill run down her spine. This was not the Booth she knew. For the first time in her life she actually feared him. In his state of mind, she had no idea of what he was capable of.

"Booth, you are not being rational. You need to calm down," Brennan felt like crying.

"What I _**need**_ is to kill this son of a bitch, what I _**need**_ is to get Parker back, but that's not gonna happen, none of it is if you keep standing in my way, so get away Bones, I don't want to hurt you but…"

He was cut off. "You won't hurt me." Brennan hoped she was right, because right now, he sure looked like he could hurt anyone. Brennan made a shaky sigh, but she kept her eyes on Booth.

Steven was suddenly back on his feet. He was unstable and his head was bleeding. That sickening grin was still on his face though. Brennan held her breath. She knew it was too late. Booth was furious, and to be honest she couldn't really blame him.

She slowly stepped away, and when Steven opened his mouth to let out another taunting comment, a shot was fired. The bullet hit Steven straight in the head. He collapsed at the floor with a thud, and then everything went silent.

Brennan stared. She had been with Booth through a lot, but she had never witnessed something like this. This was not some of their normal cases; Booth hadn't shot Steven because his job required it. This was personal.

It was murder.

They stood there frozen for several minutes. None of them spoke. The sound of the gun hitting the floor made Brennan's head snap up. She turned her eyes on Booth, just in time to see his trembling body sink to its knees.

"Booth," Brennan forced herself to move, to go to him. Sitting on the floor in front of him, she reached out to lay her hand on his arm.

"Are you okay?"

Booth drew a trembling breath, slowly shaking his head.

"I told you you'd feel worse if you shot him."

Booth almost laughed. But there was no sign of humor in it. "That's not what I meant Bones," he made another, jaded sigh as he buried his face in his hands.

"Then what…"

Booth finally looked up at her. "I lost control, I could have…"

Brennan waited for him to go on.

"I could have… hurt you… I could have shot you…I…" Booth stared at her as realization hit. "God Bones… I'm so sorry."

Brennan smiled sadly "I'm fine, don't worry about me," without thinking, she threw herself in his arms. Totally taken aback, Booth managed to place his arms around her. "You would never shoot me," Brennan whispered.

Then he actually laughed a soft laugh. "No," Booth pulled Brennan tighter against him. "I could never hurt you Bones," he murmured.

XxxxX

**_TBC_**


	13. Facing justice

**Chapter ****13 – Facing justice **

Booth called his boss, knowing what it could lead to. But he couldn't hide from the truth. He had killed a man, a murderer however, but the law wouldn't care about that. Brennan, being the truth maniac she was had surprised him by telling him he should lie. That he should tell the police it had been self defense, that he'd only shot Steven because he had felt threatened.

Booth wanted to do just that, but it was wrong. He was an FBI agent; he was supposed to be following the law. What he'd done was wrong. There was no way the FBI wouldn't see that, no matter what he'd try to make it look like. He couldn't lie to them. He would have to face the consequences.

"Booth?"

He turned his head to look at her. They were sitting at the ground leaning against the wall while they waited.

"I don't like this."

"Me neither. But there is no other way. But don't worry Bones, you've done nothing wrong. They will let you go."

Brennan didn't answer. She couldn't. It wasn't until now she finally understood the whole meaning of the situation. _They will let you go... _wouldn't they let _him_ go?

"What are you saying?" she didn't want to hear the answer, but she had to know.

Booth sighed. "You will be interrogated at the headquarters. Then you'll be free to go," he paused. "I will be arrested, for murder."

"Oh no Booth it can't..." Brennan didn't know how to continue. She felt like crying.

"You... do you regret what you did?" she finally whispered.

He was quiet as he thought about that. "Yes…no, I don't know…" he finally answered. "I shouldn't have done it, but I…" his voice trailed off. I just… wish I wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of it."

Brennan nodded. "I understand."

"I had no choice Bones."

"You don't have to defend yourself Booth. I said I understand."

Booth snorted, and then smiled slightly. He was just about to talk when the sound of cars interrupted. They looked at each other. Brennan could see fear and regret flash through his eyes, she took his hand.

"It's going to be alright," she said softly. It just had to. They got up on their feet just in time to see a whole bunch of people run into the hall.

Everything happened as in slow motion. Booth watched as the medical examiner and his assistant examined the body. Agents circled around the room, gathering evidence, taking in the scene.

He didn't react when someone spoke to him. It wasn't until Brennan squeezed his hand speaking his name in a soft tone that he realized someone was standing right in front of them.

"Agent Booth," Cullen's voice was stern.

"Sir," Booth mumbled.

"What happened in here?"

Booth threw a quick look at Brennan, then back at his boss. Hesitatingly, he started to explain. When he was done talking, Cullen and two other agents just looked at him. None of them spoke.

"He killed my son, I couldn't... you know...I…" Booth's voice was weak and he refused to meet any of the agents' eyes. Brennan felt extremely sorry for him. Watching him, she saw how hard it was for him. How ashamed he felt.

"That is exactly why I forbade you to work this case Agent Booth."

Booth didn't have anything to say. He knew Cullen was right. There was no idea to even try to defend his actions.

The boss sighed. "You must know what this means?" his voice was a little softer now, but the harsh edge was still there.

Booth only managed a nod.

"Agent Booth, you are under arrest for the murder of Steven Mitchell."

Booth didn't protest when Cullen led him away.

"Dr Brennan, you are coming with me," a hand landed on her shoulder and Brennan had to fight the reflex to yank it off. She didn't look but she already knew it was one of the other agents. "Let's go," the hand slipped down her back, urging Brennan to move. Unwillingly she obeyed. Her eyes didn't leave Booth as she watched him go.

"I want to go with Booth, he needs a friend."

The agent snorted. "He should have thought about that before shooting someone in the head."

"Excuse me?" Brennan snapped, stopping to glare at the man. "How can you say that?"

"I know the background story, but that's no excuse."

"But you didn't hear the things Steven said to Booth, he was taunting him, he practically begged to be shot. Booth didn't..." she was cut off.

"The law won't see it that way. What Agent Booth needs now is not a friend; he needs a hell of a good lawyer. And I promise you Dr Brennan, he is going to be charged anyway."

"No," Brennan almost yelled. "They can't do that, they must see..."

The agent had had enough. He took hold of Brennan's arm and almost dragged her toward the waiting car. She turned her head just in time to see Booth being pushed into another SUV. Before she could think, Brennan yanked the agents' hand off of her, shoved him away and ran over to the car. She pulled the door opened.

"Bones?" Booth was surprised to see her there. "What did you do?" there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I wanted to..." she cut herself off, staring at his hands. Handcuffs. Somehow it made Brennan angry. Who did these people think they were? Booth was not some criminal. He was one of theirs. How could they treat him like this?

"Bones, Temperance," Booth did an attempt to reach out to her, only to be reminded of the cuffs. He let his hands drop. "It's going to be ok," he whispered.

Brennan shook her head. "You're not," she stated the obvious.

"But you are," Booth smiled a small smile.

"That's not important now," Brennan argued.

If he hadn't been in this situation, Booth would have been happy to hear her say that. But now, he didn't like it. She shouldn't have to be miserable just because he was.

He sighed. "Maybe you should forget about me... you know, move on, get a new partner..."

Brennan just stared. How could he even think that? She blinked away the tears that were brimming in her eyes. "I can't do that Booth, you know that."

Booth didn't answer. He just looked at her. "You should try," he finally whispered. Before Brennan could speak, Booth had closed the door. The hand on her shoulder was back, and Brennan suddenly realized the agent had been there the whole time. He had given them time. She appreciated it. When he led her back to the car, she didn't object. Booth's words echoed in her head as they drove off. But he was wrong. She wouldn't ever give up on him, no matter what happened.

XxxxX

**_TBC_**

_**A/N:** Okay, I totally understand if you'd want to kill me right now, but please don't!  
So maybe things will get worse for Booth for a while, but as I've told you from the start, all things that happen will eventually lead to something good. It just takes time!  
I'm trying to make this story as realistic as possible, and… well I guess in real life, he wouldn't get away with murder…_


	14. Unsaveable

**Chapter ****14 – Unsaveable **

Brennan sat in the couch at Booth's place thinking back at everything that had happened. She was emotionally exhausted, and she was sure Booth was too. She had followed him home knowing he'd want some company. But sitting there alone now, she started to doubt that he really wanted her there. Booth had been in the bathroom for more than an hour, and she could still hear the shower.

They'd been held at the FBI headquarters for hours, each of them giving their side of the story. She knew Booth had been telling the truth without even trying to cover up what he'd done. Usually Brennan appreciated that, she even admired him for it. But at the interrogation, Brennan had tried to protect him. She hadn't lied, but thinking back now, she had probably sugarcoated it, trying to make Booth look more innocent than he'd actually been. She just couldn't stand the thought of him getting in trouble for killing the man who took his sons life. It wasn't fair. He shouldn't have to be punished for something that wasn't really his fault. He'd only done what he'd had to, to be able to move on. If Steven had still been alive, Brennan knew Booth would never have given up until he'd found him. And the things Steven had said to him were so awful that Brennan couldn't blame him for losing control. She had explained this to the FBI in detail, hoping it would help Booth somehow.

She had been free to go after that, but they'd kept Booth. Brennan had waited as the hours had passed by slowly. She just couldn't bring herself to go without him. She'd done everything she could. She had paid the bail; she had told them everything she could, maybe even more. But she still didn't know if it was enough. And for now, none of them would know for sure. Only a trial would give them the answers.

Brennan's thoughts were cut off as the bathroom door opened and Booth stepped out, wearing a towel. She gave him a smile, trying hard to not stare.

"You okay? You were in there very long."

He snorted, but then chuckled softly. "I'm fine," he flashed Brennan a smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hey, is that my t-shirt?"

Brennan looked down at the clothes she was wearing. Her blouse had been dirty and she had borrowed one of Booth's t-shirts.

"Uh, yes," she confessed. "Do you mind?"

"Uh no, of course not, it looks good on you."

"It's too big," Brennan mumbled.

Booth didn't know what to say. He didn't know why but somehow the thought of Brennan wearing his clothes was making him nervous. Awkwardly, he ran a hand through his wet hair. That's when he realized Brennan was staring at him.

"Bones?" he asked.

"Your towel is…" Brennan gestured to a blue pile on the floor. "You might want to cover yourself," she said, trying not to smile at his horrified look. But he didn't pick it up right away. Time stood still as they stared at each other. Booth stood there frozen, and Brennan just couldn't take her eyes off him.

Finally Brennan realized what she was doing. Her cheeks went red and she quickly averted her eyes. That seemed to bring Booth out of the trance. He shot Brennan a quick look, before snatching the towel, hastily wrapping it around his waist.

He disappeared into the bedroom, and when he came back he was wearing a black t-shirt similar to the one Brennan had on, and jeans. He sat down next to Brennan, just looking at her.

Brennan stared back, her eyes following little drops of water that were running from his hair, down his face. "Hey," she whispered, and without thinking, she reached out to catch them. Her fingers brushed against his cheek. "You're still wet."

Booth shivered, letting his eyes close. He couldn't explain it, but feeling Brennan's fingers against his skin made him feel so good. Just a few seconds of her light touch left him longing for more.

"Bones," he whispered.

"Uh, sorry," embarrassed she let her hand drop.

Booth looked at her. "Don't be," he spoke so low, he wasn't sure she could even hear him.

None of them said anything in a long time.

"Booth?" Brennan finally asked.

"Yea?"

"How bad is it?" Brennan asked, knowing she couldn't hide from the truth anymore. She already knew she didn't want to hear the answer though.

It took a while before Booth answered "I think it's pretty bad Bones," he finally said. He sighed, looking down at his hands as he continued. "I could get three years, maybe more," he spoke so low Brennan had a hard time hearing him. "That is if I'll get voluntary manslaughter. Second degree murder… it's… I don't even want to think of that Bones…"

Brennan couldn't bring herself to speak. She didn't even know what to say. How could things have gotten so out of hand? Silently she just watched Booth. He still didn't look at her. She knew he must be feeling so ashamed.

"It's not going to be pretty, these people…" his voice trailed off and he let out a deep sigh.

"You'll be alright."

He just shook his head.

"You'll get through this Booth."

"You don't know what it's like in there. It's… it's…" he couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. He didn't want to think of the hell his life could become. "Maybe it would have been better if I'd just shot myself instead," he muttered, mostly to himself, but hearing the gasp coming out of Brennan he knew she'd heard it.

"You can't say that. Don't ever speak like that."

"Face it Bones, what do I have to live for anyway?" Booth had raised his voice. He wasn't shouting, but there was an angry edge to his voice that scared Brennan. She hated to hear him talk like that. And knowing that there was nothing she could do to make it better made her angry too.

Brennan opened her mouth to speak back to him, but closed it as she realized she didn't know what to say. What if he was right? He wouldn't have anything to come back to. He'd lost his son, and his job. Those things were pretty much the only things Booth valued.

Brennan sighed, feeling defeated. There was nothing she could do to make him feel any better, because honestly, he _was_ right. What _did_ he have to live for now?

She watched Booth with sad eyes, unaware of a transparent little boy hovering right beside him. He looked at his father with sad eyes, not liking the outcome of this. He could sense that Booth was sad, and it made him feel the same. He was sad for himself and sad for the broken man that had been, or maybe still was, his father.

Brennan didn't know if she should say it. Maybe he'd laugh at her thinking she was a fool. What she had to offer was nothing in comparison to what he had lost.

But she said it anyway. "You have me."

'…_and me' _Parker added silently.

"Temperance," as Booth whispered her name she couldn't help but turn to meet his eyes. The look on his face had changed.

"I know I'm not…" her voice trailed off and Booth continued from where she'd left off.

"No you're not. You're wrong, you know."

Brennan just looked at him, not understanding.

"Don't get me wrong Bones. You mean everything to me; to have you in my life… it's… you know…" Booth trailed off not knowing how to explain. "I won't _have_ you," he finally said, referring to her previous sentence. "I won't have anyone…"

"You will. I'll visit you."

Booth sighed. "I wish that was enough Bones."

_XxxxX_

"_Somehow it seems all I can do, is sit and stare.__  
__Somehow nothing good seems to last, or was it ever there?_  
_I realize, I've lost my mind, __I realize, I am the lie.  
It's over, my time to shine. I'm already dead, so why can't I die."_

_XxxxX_

_**TBC**_

_**A/N:** So, you can probably see now where this is going. I truly hate myself for doing this to Booth, but I have my storyline and changing it kind of messes the whole story up.  
So, it's okay to hate me, just don't hate me so much you'll quit reading. 'Cause then you'll miss all the good parts ; ) _


	15. Hold me now

**Chapter ****15 - Hold me now**

Months had passed by but Booth's head was blank. Nothing had happened; the months could as might as well have been blank unwritten papers being turned too slow, but at the same time too fast. He'd dreaded this day, but at the same time looked forward to it. It didn't matter that he was free to do what he wanted when he felt trapped. Booth hated the wait and the uncertainty.

Brennan had done her best to help him and to be there for him, but he hadn't been able to appreciate her. It was stupid, he knew he should have enjoyed every second of what could have been his last months of freedom. But there was something inside of him that had shut down. Brennan had noticed, but she hadn't known what to do. Neither had Booth. Instead he'd just let the days pass without paying any attention to them at all.  
There were a few days when Brennan had forced him to go out, but he hadn't really been there, just his body, an empty shell. A shadow of what he'd once been.

Brennan had taken the day off to spend it with him. Booth couldn't understand why she even bothered. He wasn't much fun to be around, he knew that.

The day was slowly coming to its end. Tomorrow, he would be at the trial. He knew it was stupid to hope; considering what he had done, but he couldn't help it. Having the best defense attorney Brennan had found, Booth couldn't help but hope for a good outcome. Maybe it was naïve, and he knew there was a huge risk he'd be disappointed, but if he didn't hold on to that tiny ray of hope, he knew he would be going crazy.

It was late and they were sitting in his sofa, staring at each other.

"What are you thinking about?" Brennan asked.

Booth didn't answer right away, and Brennan thought he wasn't going to talk at all. She turned her gaze away from him.

"Will you wait for me?" Booth suddenly asked. It caught Brennan off guard. She turned back to him.

"I uh…" Brennan didn't know what to say. She could wait forever for him. But she wasn't sure she was ready to admit that.

Brennan forced herself to nod. Seeing that tiny ray of hope flash through his eyes warmed her heart. It was enough to light a little flame of hope in her own heart. Booth had been so far away the last couple of months. She had tried everything, but he'd seemed like he didn't even noticed her. Like he'd been too tired to care.

"Thanks Bones," he gave her a small smile.

"I'll visit you if it comes to that, every day if you want."

His smile grew wider. "Everyday huh? Then people will start to talk you know," he teased. Brennan chuckled softly. She was so glad to hear something of his old self in his voice.

"I don't care what people think."

They looked at each other for a long time. Brennan trying to imagine her life without him around. Booth trying to enjoy what could be his last day of freedom.

Booth finally looked down, sighing. "This could be our last time together, tomorrow after the trial, I could be… you know…"

Brennan nodded, suddenly feeling miserable.

"Booth, I'm…" she sighed. "I wish this was just a bad dream. It's so… stupid. You're a good man. You shouldn't have to be punished for what you did… you…" her voice trailed off.

"I don't want to talk about that tonight, there's nothing I can do now anyway."

"I know but…"

"Bones, please."

She nodded. "Sorry."

There was a long silence.

"Will you do something for me?" Booth finally asked, suddenly realizing he needed something to make him feel alive again. Even for just a few hours.

"Anything," Brennan whispered. She'd expected Booth to continue, but all he did was staring at her. She was just about to ask, when she noticed the uncertainty on his face. He looked at her, almost questioningly. Brennan was confused. Had she missed something?

As she felt Booth's hand in her hair, gently brushing it out of her face, breath caught in her throat. Her heart started to beat faster as she realized what he'd meant. He kissed her, their lips barely brushed against each others, almost as if he was asking for permission. She realized he was afraid he'd scare her away.

Booth moved his head back so he could look at her. Their faces were still just inches away. She could feel his breath against her skin. Before she could start to analyze, he was kissing her again. This time it was a real kiss. His hands pulled her closer to him as he deepened it.

Brennan wanted nothing more than to let herself get lost in his touch. But there was something in her head, screaming at her to stop. What if she let herself love Booth now? She was going to lose him. He could be put away for god knows how long. What if he wouldn't feel the same when he got out? She couldn't risk getting hurt like that.

Brennan pushed away from him, getting up on her feet. "I'm sorry Booth I can't," she moved toward the door just wanting to get out of there before she would change her mind. She had expected him to say something, to try to stop her. But he was quiet. It made her stop and look.

"Booth?" he wasn't moving. He didn't look at her. Brennan was confused. "What's wrong?"

He turned to meet her gaze, and Brennan just wanted to cry. She'd never been good at reading people, but the hurt and deceit was so clear in his dark eyes. She'd just promised she'd wait for him, and then minutes later she'd pushed him away. She'd betrayed him.

Booth sighed. "Just go Bones," he turned his head away, staring blankly down at his hands.

Brennan couldn't. Booth looked so sad, and knowing that this time it was because of her just broke her heart. She couldn't do that to him. He'd lost everything, how could she be the one to inflict even more pain by walking away when he needed her so much?

Brennan was terrified, but she forced herself to go back to him. She sat next to him on the sofa trying to pull herself together. It was just Booth. She couldn't be afraid of him, it wasn't rational.

"I would do anything for you, Booth, you know that…" she started.

"But not this," he continued staring at his hands.

"Even this," she corrected. "It's just… I'm afraid," she said honestly.

Booth nodded. "I know." He finally looked at her.

"If I let myself… feel… now, it's…" she tried to explain, but she wasn't good at it. Brennan had never liked talking about feelings, but she actually thought Booth deserved to know the truth. "You'll go away… and I won't… I'll miss you."

Booth smiled sadly. "I'll miss you too Bones," he whispered. "But at least I'd have something good to hold on to, you know… something to help me make it through."

"I'll help you, I'll be there. I'm here now."

Simultaneously they leaned in for another kiss. This time Brennan didn't shy away. It was just Booth, and she was not going to let fear stand in the way of making his last night at home nice. He deserved so much more, but if she herself, was the only good thing she had to offer, she wouldn't deny him that. With her heart hammering in her chest and her skin burning with desire, she closed her eyes, letting Booth carry her into his bedroom.

XxxxX

"_For the last time, hold me now  
__Don't cry, don't say a word, just hold me now  
__And I will know that when we're apart  
we'll always be together, forever in love_

_What do you say when words are not enough…"_

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**


	16. The Longest Night

**Chapter**** 16 - The Longest Night**

Three years from now. That's what he'd said. She hadn't been allowed to say goodbye to him. Not in the way she'd wanted to. They'd only got a brief moment as the guards had let him stop when they'd led him pass her. _Three years from now, Bones_, he'd said. It hadn't been clear to anyone else what he'd meant. But Brennan knew exactly.

_I'll wait, _she'd said. And Booth had been led away.

Brennan was curled up in her sofa. A green blanket wrapped around her. She wasn't cold. Not really. She just wanted to feel the comfort of something.

She still had a hard time believing what had actually happened. It was surreal, like a bad dream. Yesterday he'd been there with her. She had been wrapped in his arms, so close to him that she couldn't even tell where her body ended and his began. Their first time had been amazing. Brennan was surprised it had felt so natural to be with Booth. It was like they'd been made for each other. Yesterday he'd been right there, now he was so far away. Brennan had always thought Booth would be around. He was the one she'd turn to whenever she needed help. He was her friend, her... well, she didn't know what else he was to her. But she knew they'd become so much more than just friends. But what were they now? She was alone, and he was in jail for three years.

Brennan sighed miserably. She felt so sorry for Booth. First he'd have to deal with losing Parker, now this. How was he going to cope in there? What was he doing right now? It didn't matter what she did, there was no way she could stop her thoughts to wander to where he was. Brennan had a feeling that was how it was going to be for the following years. She would always keep Booth with her in her heart. It wasn't rational, she knew that, but somehow by doing that it felt like at least a small part of him was still free.

"_Is it dark, where you are?  
Can you count the stars where you are?  
Do you feel like you are a thousand miles from home?"_

Brennan would keep her promise. She was going to visit. Everyday seemed stupid somehow. But she didn't really care that people most likely would get irritated at her. She wanted Booth to know that he wasn't alone. That no matter where he was, she was still not so far away.

_"Are you lost, where you are?  
Can you find your way when you're so far?  
Do you fear, where you are?_

_A thousand nights alone."_

XxxxX

The light had gone out hours ago. Booth didn't know what time it was. But it was dark. Not even the moonlight could reach into his cell. Lying there in the dark, he could swear the walls were closing in on him. He was trapped with nowhere to go.

It was cold, but he didn't move, didn't care that his body was starting to shake. The bed was small and uncomfortable; he could already feel his back starting to ache. And he had only been lying there for about two hours.

Booth still hadn't understood what had happened. Not truly. After the trial, he'd been so far away in thoughts he hadn't been able to grasp the reality. He didn't want to accept this. He didn't want to let the hope go, even though it was far too late for any kind of hope now. They had lost. He had feared it, maybe even known it on some level, but being there he was now, he still didn't want to accept it.

He guessed he should be relieved. His sentence had been light. He had been lucky. But three years in jail didn't really seem all that fun. Voluntary manslaughter was far better than second degree murder though, but Booth couldn't be thankful. Maybe he would one day, but right now everything just seemed like a never-ending nightmare.

The judge had been kind, considered the circumstances. Being a father himself, he had understood why Booth had done what he'd done. Booth was sure he would probably have done the same thing if the situation had been reversed. Brennan had given her statement too, all in Booth's favor. Maybe her words had done something good too.

As he lay there, his thoughts drifted to Brennan. He wondered what she was doing, where she was. If she was as cold as he was.

There was a blanket folded at the end of the bed, but Booth couldn't bring himself to reach for it.

Three years from now, he had told her. Booth wondered if she'd really been telling the truth when she'd said she'd wait. Would she even be the same woman then? Maybe she'd be married. Maybe she'd forget about him completely.

Somewhere far away, a scream broke the silence. Booth flinched; his heart was beating so fast he had to take deep breaths to try to calm down. He lay there staring up at the ceiling. There was no way he was going to get any sleep in here. If the nightmares had been bad before, he didn't even want to think of how they'd be now. Booth closed his eyes in an attempt to escape. How in the world would he ever get used to this? It was his first night and Booth already felt like he couldn't make it through it. This was surely going to be the longest night of his life. It would never end. It didn't matter that the morning would come, that light would seep through the small window at the concrete wall, for him the night would go on and on for three years.

_In his dream he held Parker. The little boy was laughing so hard he was crying. Booth laughed too, kissing the top of the boys head. As he did, the blonde curls slowly darkened and faded away. Before Booth knew what had happened flames lit up the child and he screamed. Booth screamed too. The boy withered in his arms, skin and flesh creeping back leaving only bones and a sickening smell. The remains fell from Booth's hold as he collapsed. He could still hear the screams, horri__fied and filled with pain. The scene slowly started to fade and Booth reached out. There was nothing there but darkness…_

Booth awoke to the sound of his own screams. Gasping for air he sat in the dark. His body was damp with sweat and shaking violently. Not thinking straight he reached out to switch a lamp on. There was nothing there. Nothing but darkness and cold steel bars. Desperately Booth wrapped his arm around his knees, slowly rocking back and forth. He needed to do something to keep himself from going crazy.

He longed for Brennan. Longed to feel her arms around him, to hear her soft voice promising him it was going to be okay. That it was just a dream. But she wasn't there now and she wouldn't be for a very long time.

"Bones," he whispered into the dark. He needed her so badly. She was the only good thing in his life now. The only one who could actually make him feel like life was worth living. Booth didn't know how to go on without her.

XxxxX

**_TBC_**

_A/N: So you probably already knew this was going to happen. I know, poor Booth. But, I'm trying to keep this story realistic, and I'm sure this is what would've happened in real life._

_I'm not familiar with the American law – at all. I spent hours googling though, and I hope I got this whole process right._

_Oh and, Boneslover10: Here's a list of the songs I've used so far._

_Crash and Burn – Savage Garden _  
_Somewhere down the road – Faith Hill_  
_To where you are – Josh Groban_  
_Whiskey Lullaby – Brad Paisley (Featuring Alison Krauss)_  
_Realize – Megan McCauley_  
_Hold me now – Johnny Logan_  
_Longest night - Howie Day_  
_Will the sun ever shine again - Bonnie Raitt (kind of "SEFBIAC'S" theme song, though not in any of the chapters.)_

_Oh and while I'm at it! I've made a cover for "SEFBIAC" : ) posting a link here is clearly not working. So I'll just write it like this: ecilarose dot deviantart dot com._

_Gee, sorry for this extremely long authors note. And… hope you liked the chapter despite the horrible things I'm putting Booth through._


	17. How can I go on?

**Chapter ****17 – How can I go on?**

The prison building looked grim and depressing on the outside. It was grey and big, and a high wall with barbed wire at the top surrounded the whole place. Brennan had tried to prepare herself for this visit, but she wasn't able to stop trembling as she went inside. She had been there before but it was different now. This time she wasn't there because of a case, this time she was there to see Booth.

She announced her visit and a man led her to the visiting room and told her to wait. Brennan stood motionless in the middle of the room, not knowing whether she should sit or not.

She stared at the glass wall in front of her, trying to brace herself. Being here now made it so much more real. She hadn't wanted to face the truth. It had been too horrible. But standing there waiting for Booth made her realize she couldn't hide from the truth anymore. There was no denying it.

Brennan saw him before he saw her and all she could do was stare. His hands were cuffed behind his back as he was led into the room. Then he was released and it was then he looked up and saw Brennan. Their eyes met, and Brennan saw his face lit up. She felt herself smile.

Simultaneously they walked to sit in the steel chairs on each side of the glass.

"Hi," Brennan whispered into the phone. It felt weird talking to him like this.

"Bones," Booth whispered back.

"How are you?"

Booth grimaced, but didn't answer.

"I'm so sorry Booth; I know it must be tough."

Booth made a small nod. "It is."

Brennan felt her eyes tear up. How would she be able to just sit there and know that there's nothing she could do to make him feel better? It was just too much. Could she do it for three more years?

"So what's going on with you Bones, something's happening at work?"

Brennan shook her head. "It's the same, it's only been a day Booth."

Booth shrugged. "Things happen… fast… sometimes, you know?" He sighed, then he went on. "Are you… still working with the bureau? Got a new partner?"

"No!" Brennan almost yelled. How could he even ask that? "I won't work with the FBI anymore," she added in a calmer voice.

"Why?"

"It wouldn't be the same without you Booth, I don't... I can't... I'll just go back to lab work okay?"

"Okay," Booth agreed. He was touched that she didn't want to work without him. But it also bothered him. Brennan shouldn't have to change her life just because he couldn't be a part of it anymore.

"I wouldn't mind though, if you work with someone else..."

"I know," Brennan whispered. Then she reached out and placed her hand on the glass, her palm facing Booth. "Maybe later, maybe never... I don't know."

Booth smiled a sad smile, slowly placing his hand on the glass, covering Brennan's smaller one.

"Just do what _you_ want, don't think of me."

Brennan shook her head. "I think of you all the time Booth, I just can't help it," she confessed.

He was silent a long time, then he finally spoke. "I do too, of you I mean, I think of you Bones all the time too."

Brennan smiled at how confused he sounded.

"What are we going to do?" she finally asked.

"About what?"

"This… us…"

"There's nothing we can do Bones, just… endure…"

Brennan wanted to cry. She felt so helpless, so lost. She had never been good with people, and sitting there now she realized her skills were even more limited. She couldn't even lay her hand on his arm to comfort him. She couldn't even touch him. All she had to offer were words. And she knew it wasn't enough now. It hadn't been for a long time.

She nodded sadly, then sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Booth mumbled.

"Are they treating you ok?"

"Yea."

Brennan nodded. "Good." She was just about to continue when the guard approached her. "Time is up," he said.

Brennan gave a small nod to let him know she'd heard him. But she didn't take her eyes off Booth. Her hand was still pressed to the glass.

"I have to go," she whispered. "I'll be back."

Booth couldn't bring himself to speak. He nodded. It wasn't enough time. He knew it must have been more, but to him it felt like only a few minutes. He just didn't want her to go.

"Hey," Brennan whispered. "It'll be okay."

Booth forced a smile to his lips, hoping Brennan wouldn't se pain behind it. "Thanks Bones."

Brennan gave him a sad smile in return. Then she placed the phone back in its holder. Slowly she removed her hand from the glass. She'd thought Booth would do the same, but he didn't move. As she started to back away he watched her, his hand still pressed against the wall as if he was reaching for her. Brennan forced herself to turn and leave. As she did, her heart was breaking all over again.

So was Booth's.

"_How can I go on, from day to day, who can make me strong in every way  
Where can I be safe, where can I belong, in this great big world of sadness_

_I try to hide myself so far from the crowd_  
_Is anybody there to comfort me, Lord, take care of me"_

XxxxX

Brennan arrived at the Jeffersonian with tears in her eyes. Not wanting to run into anyone, she almost ran to her office and closed the door behind her. She sat in the sofa, fighting against emotions wanting to control her. She didn't want to cry. She knew that if she let the tears out, she wouldn't be able to stop crying once she'd started. She was confused at how much Booth could affect her. Seeing him hurt or sad hurt her just as much.

"Sweetie?"

Brennan looked up to see Angela standing in the doorway. She realized she should probably have locked the door.

"Sweetie are you okay? What happened?"

Brennan made a trembling sigh. So much for being left alone. Angela stepped inside and went to sit next to her friend.

"I went to see Booth."

"Oh," Angela nodded as she understood. "How was he?"

Brennan didn't answer. She knew she couldn't speak without starting to cry. Feeling the need to do something, she shook her head.

"No, as in; he's not ok, or you don't want to tell me?"

_Both._ Brennan wanted to say. But she remained silent, desperately trying to get a hold of herself. She couldn't break down in front of Angela.

"Bren, talk to me."

Brennan slowly turned her head to look at her friend. She drew a deep trembling breath before opening her mouth. "It's my fault."

_XxxxX_

_TBC_

_A/N: Song: How can I go on - Freddie Mercury_


	18. Never Enough

**Chapter ****18 - Never Enough**

Angela was caught off guard. She stared at her best friend, not understanding. "What do you mean?" she finally asked. "What is your fault?" It just didn't make sense. What did Brennan think was her fault? Had Booth said something when she'd been to see him? No. Angela quickly brushed those thoughts aside. Booth could never have said something that would make Brennan this upset. He would never hurt her like that. So what was it?

"I don't understand." Angela finally admitted.

"I should have stopped him… I should have done more…"

"I'm not following you," Angela was confused. "Stopped who?"

"Booth."

Finally realization hit Angela. It was so obvious she was stunned she hadn't thought of it sooner. Brennan was blaming herself for not being able to stop Booth from shooting Steven.

"Sweetie, I'm sure you did all you could. What happened is not your fault, you can't think like that."

"But it is Ange!" Brennan raised her voice. "I should have stopped him, I should have…" she was cut off.

"Stop."

Brennan didn't. "I shouldn't have let him do it, he couldn't…" this time she didn't need to be interrupted to stop talking. She just couldn't go on.

"I know what happened. You tried, he was upset, you couldn't stop him. But _no one_ could have."

"He turned the gun on me, he was _really_ angry."

Angela couldn't stop a gasp from escaping her lips. She had imagined the shooting so many times, but she hadn't imagined _that_. If Booth had been that out of control, of course Brennan hadn't been able to stop him. Surely she must know that?

"He did what he thought he had to," Angela spoke in a soft voice reaching out to put her arm around Brennan's shoulders. "Are you upset that he threatened you?"

Brennan didn't even need to think before she answered. "No." she simply said. "He didn't think straight, he would never hurt me."

Angela had to smile. "You're damn right about that."

Brennan shot her a puzzled look, but didn't spend too much energy trying to figure out what she'd meant.

"I'm just…" she began. "What if I didn't do enough? Maybe it is my fault he's in jail."

The pain in Brennan's voice made Angela's eyes tear up. She blinked rapidly. "I know this whole thing is very tough for you. But you can't think like that. I won't let you."

"You can't really stop me Ange."

Angela chuckled, but quickly turned serious again. "No. Only you can do that. And you have to, because this is not healthy sweetie."

"I know, I'll try."

Angela wasn't sure Brennan was telling the truth, but she decided to let it go for now.

"When will you see him again?"

Brennan hesitated. She had planned to go to Booth as soon as she was allowed the next morning. But saying that out loud would not only sound stupid. It would sound desperate. What would Angela think of her?

"I don't know," she mumbled instead.

"Liar," Angela grinned.

"Excuse me?"

Angela just smiled, shaking her head.

Brennan frowned, and then sighed. "Fine, tomorrow. I think he needs me."

"And you need him," Angela stated. Brennan cringed. She hated when her friend was right. She wanted to tell her she was wrong, but something stopped her. Angela had been spot on. And denying that didn't seem right. She did need Booth…

"I've grown used to having him around and it feels strange to…"

"Sweetie," Angela cut off. "Just say you miss him, no need to complicate things," she smiled.

Brennan sighed, glaring at her best friend. "I miss him," she finally said. "Are you happy now?"

Angela chucked softly. "Yeah."

XxxxX

They were allowed to spend some time outside. He had seen the sun was up, but he also knew it wouldn't feel the same. What did the sun mean when you were trapped behind high walls and bars? Booth just couldn't bring himself to go outside. Instead he sat in a darkened corner where he could be alone. His thoughts were with Brennan. Seeing her today had been great; just hearing her voice made him feel a tiny bit more hopeful. Maybe there was a way of surviving this hell after all. But then she had left, and that hope had left with her.

"_I know I'm nothing in comparison to what you have lost… but you… you have me…" _

It was what she'd told him the day before the trial. He hadn't believed her. He hadn't thought that it would mean so much to him to see her on the other side of that glass wall. But now he realized he had been wrong. It meant everything. It was those short visits he was longing for.

"_You're wrong, you know." _He'd had just looked at him, not understanding.

"_I won't have you," _he'd finally said_. "I won't have anyone…" _

"_You will. I'll visit you."_

Booth had sighed_. "I wish that was enough Bones."_

It wasn't enough. But it was all he would get, and Booth realized now that even though he wanted more, just seeing Brennan for a little while _would_ be enough. Enough to keep him alive at least.

"_There was never time enough, I can't breathe  
It's too hard to think of love, I can't breathe, can't breathe_

_Many fears and many dreams, many roads out there  
__Hide the pain behind a smile, behind the tears  
__  
You burn like fire, burn like ice, your heart tears  
__You'll be strong and hold it in, 'cause your heart still cares."  
_

Later that night Booth was alone in the darkened cell. It was quiet around him, but even though the rest of the prisoners were sleeping, Booth couldn't. He sat in the bed, his back leaning against the wall and his knees drawn up, his arms resting on them.

His eyes were closed, so he didn't see the shimmering light hover right in front of him. Neither did he hear the soft voice call out '_daddy' _The shimmer slowly turned into a more solid light and a the contours of a boy started to take form.

Booth slowly opened his eyes, almost as if he had felt the presence. As his eyes rested on the transparent shape he felt calm. Somewhere in the back of his head he realized he should probably be scared. But he wasn't.

"_Can you see me?"_ the boy asked.

Booth could only stare.

"_Can you?"_ the boy urged impatiently.

Booth opened his mouth to talk, but no sound came out. He cleared his throat, blinking a few times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Parker?" he finally whispered.

The boy smiled. _"So you can see me?"_

Booth managed a trembling nod. Parker laughed happily. _"Cool!"_ then he turned serious for a while as he watched his father. _"Do you miss me?"_

Booth blinked away tears that were suddenly brimming in his eyes. "Every second."

"_I miss you too daddy."_

Booth had to fight hard to not start to cry. Confusion, sadness and joy wrapped together making his head spin. It wasn't possible that Parker was there, but he was seeing him, talking to him. Was he just a product of his own imagination? Right not Booth didn't have time to question his believes, or his sanity. All he could think of was the little blonde boy in front of him.

Booth reached out to take Parker into his arms, but stopped. He frowned. "Can I hold you?" he had to ask. Booth wasn't stupid; he knew the boy wasn't real. But he didn't know anything about ghosts or whatever it was he was seeing.

Parker shook his head slowly. Booth's arms dropped as disappointment washed over him.

"_I love you daddy."_ Parker's body started to shimmer again and he slowly began fading.

"No," Booth reached out a hand. He didn't know what he thought he could do, he just had to do something to make Parker stay with him. But he continued fading, and soon the shape of his young boy was gone, leaving only the tingling feeling of someone standing close to you, and a soft, barely distinguishable light.

Booth knew it would fade soon too. He pressed his eyes shut, knowing he couldn't bear to see that thick darkness again. Not after what he'd seen only seconds ago.

"I love you too," he whispered into the night.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC _**

**_A/N: Song: Never Enough – Rebecca Lavelle _**


	19. Pain on pain

**Chapter 19 – ****Pain on pain**

Next morning Booth's breakfast was cut short as a gang of three men gathered around him. They stood there staring down as he ate. Booth put the spoon away, raising an eyebrow as he shot them a _back off_ look. As he'd feared, they didn't. Booth got to his feet then.

"What?"

One of the men, there was something familiar about him, snorted and then laughed. It wasn't a laugh you could hear from someone who was happy, it was cold and wicked. Hearing that sound made Booth's eyes widen in surprise. Of course, he should have realized it sooner.

"Craig Mitchell," he said, mostly to himself, but the man confirmed what he already knew.

"You killed my brother," Craig snarled angrily.

"Yeah well he ki…" Booth was cut off.

"I know all about the little brat, spare me."

Booth knew it was stupid to get angry at them. It was what they wanted, but he couldn't help it.

"Not so tough now are you, _agent_ Booth," one of the other said, a blonde man who looked like he was in his early twenties.

Booth grimaced at the way he'd said _agent. _So this was someone else he had arrested once. He'd known they would most likely team up against him, but he had hoped it wouldn't happen so soon.

The third spoke then, and Booth looked at him more closely. His head was shaved and the arms covered in tattoos. He had a smug look on his face that Booth didn't like.

"It's ironic really, someone like you on the inside, never thought we'd see that," he mocked.

Booth sighed, not wanting to argue with them.

"Leave me alone."

They just laughed. "That's not why we're here."

"Yeah, I figured."

"Wish that little kid of yours could see you now, oh right, I forgot. He's dead."

Craig smirked. "Yeah, brother did a remarkable job, I'm proud of him."

Booth clenched his fists.

"What a bonfire huh?" They all laughed.

Booth's fist hit Craig's face and the man staggered backwards from the sudden impact. When he had regained his balance, and stood glaring at Booth, blood was running from his nose. Then the witnessing men took action and attacked Booth simultaneously. He took a few punches and kicks before he managed to take control of the situation. The bald man was thrown against the wall with a force enough to knock him out. The blonde received a few punches to his face and chest and staggered, lightheaded and dizzy until he collapsed.

Watching them, Booth thought he had won, but then he realized Craig was still on his feet. He tensed, the anger that had started to subside flared up again. But Craig just grinned, and turned to walk away.

XxxxX

Standing in the line waiting for dinner to be served, Booth tried his best to ignore all the voices and people around him. His body was sore from the fight this morning and he didn't want to draw any attention to himself now. From somewhere he could hear his name being mentioned. Booth shuddered. In an attempt to block the voices out, he let his thoughts drift to Brennan.

It had been a week since her last visit, and Booth was starting to worry. He missed her and desperately wanted to see her again. He hated not knowing what was happening out in the real world. What was Brennan doing? Had she started to work with someone else after all, was that why she hadn't had time to come see him? Booth had thousands of questions, but no answers.

His thoughts were abruptly cut off as someone yelled his name. Booth looked around, but didn't see anyone who looked like they wanted him to acknowledge them. Sighing, he turned back to the line. That's when he heard the laughter, wicked and cold. A man stood behind him. Before he could even move, a sharp unbearable pain shot through his side. He couldn't stop a scream from escaping his lips. The laughter continued and the pain grew stronger as something was pushed deeper into his flesh. Feeling lightheaded and nauseous Booth dropped to his knees, clutching at the wound.

People in the line gathered to see what was going on. Some just watching, some cheering on the attacker, some helping them.

"You thought you'd get away with it didn't you," one of them spat.

"Craig!" someone shouted, and Booth suddenly realized what this was about. It was payback for hitting Craig and the others this morning.

Booth tried to think, but his head was spinning. He tried to get to his feet, but a few kicks in his stomach kept him down. His whole side was throbbing. He knew it was bleeding badly, but he couldn't think of that now. He needed to get away fast. Using as much strength he could muster he managed to get to his feet. His legs were weak, muscles in his abdomen screamed in protest of the hasty movement. The pain was so bad he almost doubled over. With one hand pressed hard against the wound, he tried to get away. A punch at the side of his head threw him into the nearest person. Booth had hoped that whoever it was would have caught him, but instead another blow hit his left eye. He staggered, but didn't fall. Booth managed to avoid the next attack, and felt an odd sense of satisfaction when his fist smashed one of the men's noses. The feeling was short lived though. A foot slammed into his side where the wound was and Booth's head started to spin again. He couldn't see, he couldn't think, the pain was all he could focus on. He felt something hard hit his head, another foot or maybe it was a fist, Booth couldn't tell, hit his injured side a second time. He collapsed, his head was still spinning. He could taste blood in his mouth and someone was still kicking him, but he couldn't move. The pain was unbearable and it didn't take long until he passed out.

XxxxX

Booth opened his eyes to a cold blue light. He was confused at first. His whole body hurt and he was lying on the floor. He tried to get up but only managed to pull himself to one elbow before the pain in his side shot through him. Waves of white pain flashed through his head and he felt dizzy. Booth collapsed at the floor gasping for air. When he'd been still for several minutes, the pain started to subside and Booth tried to focus on his surroundings. There were walls, grey and cold, but no bars. He turned his head and saw a bed standing over him. Beside it, standing against the wall was a steel table. Small objects were occupying it. It took a while for Booth's dizzy head to realize this was some kind of infirmary. But it didn't explain what he was doing on the floor. Had he fallen off the bed? Or had someone simply thrown him into the room?

Booth rolled over to his back so he could examine the cut. Letting his fingers run across his stomach, he realized he wasn't wearing a shirt anymore. There was a bandage covering the wound, but it still hurt as hell as his fingers ran over it. So someone had taken him to this place and patched him up. But where were they now? Wasn't it visiting hours soon? He needed to be there to see Brennan.

Booth tried a second time to get up. This time he grabbed the bed and managed to drag himself to his knees at least. His whole body ached but he tried to ignore it. Back on his feet Booth stood there for awhile trying to decide what to do. He was pretty sure the door would be locked.

Heading to the door, he tried to open it. It wouldn't budge, but then again he already knew that. Sighing he went to sit at the bed. He was tired and weak, even sitting required strength he didn't have. Booth carefully lay down and was surprised at how soft it was. Well it was nothing compared to his own bed at home, but in comparison to the one in the cell this was good. Really good. He closed his eyes. If the constant pain in his side hadn't been there he might actually have enjoyed himself.

Booth didn't know for how long he'd been sleeping when he abruptly was awakened by someone slamming the door shut. His eyes fluttered opened, the first thing he saw was a man in his mid-thirties. He had a beard and dark hair hanging in front of his eyes. Booth grimaced.

"You're out of here," the man said and tossed a new and clean shirt at Booth. "You have a visitor."

Booth's face lit up. "Bones?" he asked.

"What?"'

"Is it Bones?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Just get up; I have a new patient who needs the bed."

Booth groaned, but did as the man said. He had to fight hard to not let the pain show as he sat, swinging his legs over the edge and stood, taking the shirt on at the same time.

The man immediately gathered his arms behind his back, cuffing his wrists.

"That's not necessary you know," Booth tried. "Even if I wanted to hurt you, I'm not really in condition for that."

The man didn't answer. Instead he started to walk shoving Booth into motion. "Ow, ah, come on... careful."

XxxxX

**_TBC_**


	20. Not going back

**Chapter 20 ****– Not going back**

It had been a week since she'd visited him last. She had missed him every day, but going there too often suddenly made her feel awkward. It was already obvious to her colleagues she felt something for Booth. But she didn't want them to know the whole truth.

As she stood there now, watching him she was shocked. He'd always looked happy to see her, but this time he just looked tired and hurt. As he sat down he clutched his side as if he was in pain, and for a moment Brennan thought he looked like he was going to pass out. But it was the dark blue bruise covering most of his left eye that Brennan couldn't stop staring at.

"What happened to you?" she blurted.

Booth just made a face, trying to shrug it off, but Brennan didn't want to let him get away with that.

"Someone did this to you?" she reached out, her hand immediately hitting the glass that separated them. Brennan pulled her hand back in defeat. She just wanted to touch him. To hold him and tell him everything would be okay. But seeing him now, she was afraid things wouldn't.

"It's nothing Bones," he said.

"Booth," Brennan just managed a whisper. "It is. You're hurt."

Booth sighed. "Remember what I told you that night before I…"

Brennan nodded.

"This is nothing… nothing to what they can do," his voice had suddenly gone hard and cold, it made Brennan flinch. She shook her head miserably.

"Is there anything I can do? There must be, it's not rational, where are the guards when…"

Booth cut her off. "Just let it go."

"But Booth."

"I said let it go Bones," he snapped. It hurt him to see the look on Brennan's face. But he couldn't let her know. It was too humiliating. Booth let his fingers absentmindedly touch the bandage on his side. It hurt just to touch it, and he had to fight hard to not let the pain show. The wound was still fresh, maybe even bleeding. He hadn't had much time to check it out.

Brennan shook her head sadly. She didn't want to fight with him. They only had a few minutes left. She placed her hand on the glass, palm facing Booth. "I'm sorry, I just… I can't stand seeing you like this."

Booth sighed, placing his hand on the glass too, pretending that he could feel her soft skin against his. "Don't worry about me Bones."

He grimaced as a guard placed a hand on his shoulder. "Time to go." Booth wanted to say something to Brennan, but the guard was glaring impatiently at him. He started to get up, and the wound at his side immediately reminded him it was there. He winced clenching his teeth trying to ignore it as he got to his feet. With one last look at Brennan he turned, letting the guard lead him away. He didn't see Brennan stare at the blood that was slowly making a huge spot on his shirt.

XxxxX

Brennan once again returned to the Jeffersonian with tears in her eyes. Angela was fast to notice her friends' state of mind and pulled her aside.

"What's wrong now sweetie?"

Brennan fought back the tears, running her hand through her hair just to have something to do.

"Bren?"

"It's Booth," Brennan started. "He... I don't think he's handling this so well. He was hurt today, a big bruise on his eye and he was bleeding from his side. He didn't want to talk about it..."

"Oh my," Angela whispered. "I've read about these kinds of things. It can be pretty violent in there."

Brennan nodded. "He told me before the trial. He said you don't know what it's like. I said he would be ok, I'm not so sure now Ange. It's only been a month."

"Sweetie," Angela stepped closer to give her best friend a hug. "I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't." she whispered. "I feel so sorry for Booth."

"I know me too," Brennan stepped out of her friends arms. "I should never have stayed with him I should have… I knew it would be like this… how could I have sl…" she cut herself off as she realized what she'd almost said.

"Stayed with him?"

"Nothing, forget it," Brennan walked away heading for her office in hope of being left alone. Angela was after her and she'd just reached her chair and sat down when she started to talk.

"When did you _stay_ with Booth?" she grinned, making air quotations around the world stay.

"Before the trial. It was his last night and he didn't want to be alone." she said matter-of-factly.

Angela smirked. "Oh really huh?"

"Stop that Ange."

Angela just laughed softly. "Why do you do it?"

Brennan was confused. "Do what?"

"Keep hiding the truth. I'm sure you and Booth had sex, and you don't want me to know. It's not that bad to admit to someone that you feel something for him. I already know you love him, but it would be nice to hear you say it."

Brennan just stared.

"Come on sweetie, it's not that bad you know."

Something inside of Brennan snapped. "Yes it is Ange. It is bad. Booth is in jail for years. It doesn't matter what I feel or what we did. He's... he won't be..." she started to cry.

Angela rushed over to Brennan. Kneeling next to the chair, she hugged her again. "I'm sorry sweetie. I know it's hard."

"I don't think I can go back there," Brennan sobbed. Angela tightened her arms around her.

"Why?"

"I can't stand seeing him like that. It's too hard."

"You have to, he needs you."

Brennan gently pushed Angela away, wiping her eyes clean. "No I can't. I can't do it."

"But..."

"I have to work," Brennan got up and left the office before Angela could say anything more.

_XxxxX_

_**TBC**_


	21. A little help from Angela

**Chapter 21 – ****A little help from Angela**

The weeks passed; first one, then two and when the third week was almost over, Angela couldn't stand by anymore. She had been watching her friend the whole time, and she could see how hard it was for her to stay away from Booth.

But it hadn't mattered what Angela had said. Brennan just refused to go see him.

When Angela stopped the car outside of the grey building, she had almost changed her mind. She had been there once, but it had just been awkward.

Pushing those feelings aside, she headed inside. "I'm here to see Booth, uh, Seeley Booth." The man nodded, starting to walk. Angela followed.

XxxxX

Booth was tired. The visitor waiting for him was the only reason he'd dragged himself out of bed. The thought of seeing Brennan again was the only thing that kept him sane. In this world of darkness, she was the only light. The only good thing he had left.

Booth didn't really care anymore. It felt like there was no way out of this nightmare, and yet he knew it had only just started. He didn't have the strength to fight with anyone so he mostly stayed out of everyone's way, doing nothing.

The nightmares had almost stopped. Now sleep was his best friend, his sanctuary. In his dreams Parker was there with him and he and Brennan was working together just as they'd always done. He was happy in his dreams. But then he'd wake up and find none of it was real. It would never be again. Because Parker was gone. His career with the FBI was over.

The guard let go of him as they'd reached the visitors room.

"Bones?" he called out, only to realize he had been wrong. It wasn't Brennan that was there to see him. Booth's heart sank. He was so disappointed he could have cried. But he forced a smile on his lips as he walked up to the chair. He grabbed the phone, slowly bringing it to his ear.

"Hi Angela."

"Hi Booth," she smiled a sad smile. "How are you?"

"Couldn't be better," he tried to joke.

Angela smiled even though she knew it was a lie.

"Where's..." Booth wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. Had Brennan given up on him? "Where's Bones?"

Angela's smile faded. "Yeah, that's why I'm here..." she started. Seeing the horrified look on Booth's face she quickly added. "She's fine."

Booth relaxed. That was all that mattered.

"But she doesn't want to come here," Angela said softly.

"Wh... why?"

"I think she's afraid. She doesn't know how to handle this. She loves you, you know. She can't stand seeing you like this. When she saw the uh, injuries last time, she freaked. She even cried, Booth I don't know what to tell her. I just wish… I wish this whole thing could be over soon..." Angela took a deep breath as she finally stopped talking. She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Booth sighed, rubbings his eyes. He let his hand stay in front of his face for awhile, resting his head. Then he looked up at Angela.

"I wish that too, more than you can understand."

"I'm so sorry Booth. They're bastards for locking you up like this. You're not like the guys in here. You're good."

Booth didn't reply.

"I have to go soon, time is running out."

Booth nodded. "Will you tell Bones... I miss her?"

"Of course. I'll even tell her you love her," Angela gave him a small smile.

"Uh I don't think... you shouldn't..."

"I know you do Booth. And I think she deserves to know that too."

Booth just managed a small nod. But it was all Angela needed. It was him telling her she had been right. He did love Brennan. If the circumstances had been different she would have laughed out loud. Or maybe even danced. But she had a feeling that wouldn't be appreciated right now.

"Be careful, no more fights ok?"

Booth smiled. "OK."

XxxxX

"He misses you," Angela said as she stepped into Brennan's office later that day.

"What?"

Angela smiled, knowing she'd caught the anthropologists' attention. She told Brennan about the visit.

"He told me to tell you that he misses you," Angela paused before continuing. "And that he loves you."

Brennan's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She closed it again.

"Did he tell you that?" she finally found her voice.

Angela smiled. "Yes, not exactly those words, but the meaning was the same."

Brennan was stunned. Of course she'd known Booth felt something for her. He had made that clear when they'd slept together, but she had never truly dared to believe the feelings went that deep. Her thoughts drifted back to that day in his apartment. Their last night. Brennan didn't feel the tears that silently fell from her eyes as she remembered every touch. Every word. Would they ever get another night like that?

"Sweetie?"

Brennan was brought back to reality.

"Are you okay?"

It was then she felt the tears. She wiped them away, feeling stupid.

"You must have known?"

"What, that he lo..." Brennan cut herself off not able to say the word love.

Angela nodded smiling.

Brennan shook her head. Angela sighed. "You can be so oblivious sometimes sweetie. But you must have felt it when you had sex with him."

Brennan felt her cheeks go red. "Uh..." she muttered. "Ange, I don't really feel comfortable talking about that."

Angela just smiled. But she didn't pressure her into talking. "Go to him, he really needs to see you."

Brennan was quiet so long Angela started to doubt she was going to speak at all.

"How did he look?" she finally asked.

"Sad," Angela sighed. "He tried to smile but I knew it was fake. I think he's depressed. And I don't blame him. Gosh if I'd had to go through half of what he's been through I wouldn't be that strong. He's tough Bren, but even the strongest cry sometimes you know."

Brennan nodded slowly. She would go see Booth. But she honestly didn't think she could make him feel any better about his situation. With the glass separating them, all she could do was hold her hand up against it and watch him do the same. She wanted more than that. He _needed_ more than that. If she could only just touch him. Hold him...

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**


	22. Waiting for you

**Chapter 22 – Waiting for you**

Booth was lying in bed just waiting for the minutes to go by. It had only been two months, but it already felt like an eternity. The days were passing as in slow motion, and the last three weeks without seeing Brennan was slowly driving him crazy. Angela had promised to talk to her, but Booth was starting to think it might not have worked. Maybe Brennan had grown tired to see him like this. Booth couldn't blame her.

The bruises had started to fade and the injury didn't hurt so much. But Booth was constantly worried he'd get in another fight and get new ones. It wasn't that he was concerned about his own well being; in fact he didn't care about that anymore. It was how it seemed to affect Brennan that he didn't like. If it scared her away, he would do anything he could to avoid getting hit again. He did it for her. He did everything for her these days.

Booth whispered her name out loud. Again and again. By doing it he somehow felt closer to her. He closed his eyes, imagining she was right there with him. She would whisper his name in return, put her arms around him and hold him so close he could feel her warmth against his cold skin. She would tell him everything was alright, that this was just another bad dream and he would soon wake up.

But Booth knew none of that would happen. It wasn't real.

His thoughts drifted to their last night together. He knew _that_ night would always stay in his memory no matter what happened to him. It had been perfect. So perfect he had momentarily forgotten about everything else. It had been him and Brennan alone, and nothing else had mattered.

She had promised to wait for him. But what would happen when that day came? Would she have changed her mind then? Booth prayed she'd truly meant it. He would do anything to bee that close to her again.

_"Heart is beating faster with the memory of your touch  
trying to ease this loneliness I'm missing you so much_

_I'm with you when sleep comes, I find you in dreams_  
_but wake to confusion; it's not as it seems_

_I'm waiting for you, those words I still hear you say…"_

XxxxX

He didn't dare to hope, but as the guard led him into the visitor room he couldn't help but glance toward the glass wall. His heart almost stopped beating as he saw her on the other side. Booth stopped and stared. He could barely breathe.

Without knowing it he smiled for the first time in weeks.

"Bones," he whispered.

She couldn't hear him of course, but seeing that uncertain smile on her beautiful face as she approached the glass awoke something inside of him. He felt alive again.

Booth took the last few steps as in a daze, sat down and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hey," he whispered.

Brennan smiled. "Hi Booth."

They were quiet for a while, just watching each other.

"You look better," Brennan finally stated. Booth snorted, but couldn't hold back a small smile.

Before he had time to speak, she went on. "I was at the grave."

Booth's eyes widened as he stared back. "What?" he managed to whisper.

"I talked to him, about you."

Booth was stunned. Even if he would have been able to form a sentence, he wouldn't have known what to say. Had Brennan visited Parker's grave? It just didn't make sense.

"I brought a flower too."

Booth forced himself to smile through the shock. "You…" he shook his head, not knowing whether he should feel amused or thankful.

"But you don't believe in…" Booth's voice trailed off. He made a new attempt. "You don't believe in speaking to the dead. You say that once you die…you, uh… you know?"

Brennan smiled and nodded. "I don't."

"Then why…" Booth left the sentence unfinished.

"But _you_ believe."

"Yeah, I do."

"See?"

Booth was still confused.

"I thought you'd appreciate it, since you can't go yourself."

The shock was starting to wear off. Booth half smiled. "Wow," he mumbled "I do, thanks Bones," his smile grew bigger. "I can't believe you'd do that!"

Brennan laughed softly, but didn't speak. She didn't need to. Just seeing Booth smile at her was so wonderful. They didn't need words to know how they felt for each other at that moment. He was truly happy for what she'd done for him, and Brennan was all warm inside just by knowing that she had managed to put a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," she said. "I couldn't stand to see you hurt… I…" her voice trailed off. She grimaced. "I'm sorry," she repeated instead.

Booth nodded. "I missed you," he whispered.

"I know. Angela told me."

"Oh god…" Booth mumbled. He was sure Angela had told her so much more than that. He suddenly felt nervous. Did Brennan know now?

"Did she…" he couldn't finish the sentence. But Brennan seemed to know what he was thinking.

She hesitated before speaking. "Yes, she said you…" Brennan didn't know how to say it.

Booth looked down at his hands.

Brennan sighed. "Is it true?"

"What?"

"That you… well…"

Booth couldn't help but smile. It was almost ironic how none of them could say the word love. But it didn't change the fact that both of them knew what they were referring to. And it made the whole situation awkward.

Booth took a deep breath, then he nodded a yes. "I do… I knew from the start Bones. I just knew."

Brennan knew it too. But hearing _him_ say it somehow made it so much more real. Brennan felt her eyes fill with tears. She shared his feelings. But for some reason she wished he wouldn't love her. It was one thing that she had to go on without him, but knowing that _he_ was feeling that same pain was too much for her. He had so much else to cope with, he shouldn't have to miss her too.

Brennan suddenly felt extremely sorry for him.

"Oh Booth," she whispered. A tear rolled down her cheek as she pressed her hand up against the glass.

"Bones why are you crying?"

Brennan just shook her head, smiling through the tears. Silently Booth placed his hand over hers. They sat like that for a long time, just looking at each other.

"I've been asked to work on a new case," Brennan confessed.

"That's great Bones."

"No," Brennan protested. "I turned it down."

Booth grimaced. "Bones."

"I told them I don't want to work with the FBI if it's not you. It wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't like it."

Booth had to smile.

"You'll get bored."

"No I won't."

He chuckled, but turned serious. "I'll never get my job back, you know that."

Brennan nodded, sighing. "You'll find other things to do."

"Yeah," Booth mumbled.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Booth didn't respond right away. "I don't know," he said finally. "Honestly, I have no idea how to find a way to go on from here... I just don't know how."

Brennan blinked away tears.

"But I know I'll have to try. I'll just... you know, take one day at a time."

She nodded. "I'll help you with that."

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**

**_A/N: _**_First I thought of doing 5 months later for each chapter, but I'm not sure I could make it that interesting. __  
It would be pretty much the same, and I don't want to bore you. So now I'm thinking of making this the last "prison chapter".  
Next chapter will probably be three years later. Well if I don't get too many complaints :)_

_Oh and the song in this chapter is called "Wait" – by Maggie Reilly _


	23. Free

**Chapter 23 – Free**

**Three years later**

**XxxxX**

Booth stepped out into the sun and stopped. The gates slammed shut behind him. He turned his face toward the sky; just letting the warm rays of sun hit his skin. On the other side, people were shouting insults at him, slamming their fists against the net. He barely heard them. They couldn't touch him now.

He was free.

Three years had passed. For Booth it had felt like an eternity, and now the day when he was free to go was finally here. After being locked up for so long Booth thought it felt almost surreal to be able to just walk away now. It was this day he had been longing for ever since that first horrible night so long ago. But it also scared him. He had gotten so used to the new life he had been forced into. It had been all he'd known for so long. And being free now meant he had to start all over, again. He wasn't sure he knew how.

It was a sunny day, but for Booth it wouldn't have mattered if it had been thunder and rain. It would have felt just as wonderful. Even with all these doubts and fears he didn't remember feeling this good.

"Booth?" He felt Brennan touch his arm. He turned his head to look at her. He smiled.

"Are you ready to go home?" she asked.

_Home__. _That was a word he loved, more than anything else at that moment. And the fact that he still _had_ a home to return to was all to Brennan's credit. She had paid his rent for three years just so he wouldn't lose his apartment too. Booth didn't understand her reasons and she had refused to explain. All she'd said was. _Where else would you live when you get out?  
_He had thanked her lots of times, but somehow words just didn't seem enough for such a great act. He loved her for what she'd done. It was more than he could have ever expected. But somehow it was also something he _could_ have expected from her. For Brennan, it was the rational thing to do. But Booth suspected there was more behind it than logic, and that made him love her even more. The way she had cared for him over the years, the way she'd always been there when he'd needed her spoke louder than any words could have. 

Booth nodded happily. "Let's go."

Brennan couldn't stop smiling as they walked toward the waiting car together. She couldn't imagine what Booth would be feeling at the moment. She was overwhelmed, happiness, nervousness and awe wrapped together making her confused, almost stunned. Brennan had been longing for this day, probably as much as Booth had, but now when the day was there she just couldn't believe it was really happening. She had grown used to their ritual. She'd visited, probably too often but that had been their thing. Now Booth was free, what were they going to do now? In the back of her head she felt that old fear and uncertainty slowly creeping back. She quickly pushed it away, hoping to keep it buried once and for all.

But despite all the confusion, she was happy, for him _and_ for herself.

When Booth laid eyes on the car, he chuckled. Brennan watched him with a mix of nervousness and eagerness. "You like it?" she asked.

"Whoa Bones, of course I do, it's just… wow… I didn't think you liked those."

Brennan grinned. She threw a quick look at the car. She had to admit it was nice, but the red mustang convertible wasn't really what she would choose for herself, and she was glad Booth realized it. It meant he knew her that well.

"Well, it's not mine," she smiled as she saw his confused look. "It's yours Booth," she tossed the keys to him and he caught them. "Wanna drive it?"

Booth just stared, first at the car, then back at Brennan. He wasn't sure he had actually heard her right. "You… bought me a car?" he finally managed.

Brennan shrugged. "Yes," she said. "But if you don't want it…"

"Of course I want it. It's just… I can't believe you'd do something like that, thanks Bones," the shock slowly faded and he finally smiled at her. "You're amazing you know."

Brennan just smiled, gesturing for him to move.

"Hey what happened to my SUV?"

"I think the FBI has it, I haven't seen it."

Booth nodded, soon forgetting about the old car as they left the parking lot in his new one.

XxxxX

After spending hours just walking around his apartment, taking everything in, all the memories and little details came back to him. He had tried so hard to forget, to not think of it. It'd hurt too much. Having it all back felt so good.

Lost in thought, Booth sat down at the bed. It was soft and moved under his weight. Fluffy pillows and a down cover occupying it. Booth couldn't resist lying down. After three years of sleeping in the prisons hard and uncomfortable bed it felt like he'd gone to heaven. Not a day had gone by without him waking up with a sore back, but he'd gotten used to it. Lying in his own bed now, he couldn't understand how he could have survived so long without it. Booth sighed happily, closing his eyes. Maybe this was heaven after all? Surely, nothing earthly could make him feel this good.

Then he heard the giggle again and his eyes shot open. First he saw nothing, then slowly a tingling feeling spread through his body and a light appeared in the corner opposite the bed. If Booth hadn't known better he would've once again considered being in heaven. But this wasn't heaven, it wasn't even real. Parker was dead, but it didn't matter at the moment, because at this very second, he was right there with Booth.

Booth didn't move or speak, he just watched the boy not really sure how to feel. In jail, he had felt comforted by the boy's presence, but seeing him now he suddenly felt a strong wave of longing wash over him. Booth was free again; he had his whole life waiting for him now. Parker had none of that.

Almost as if the boy had read his mind, he smiled at Booth. _"It's okay." _He whispered. _"I'm happy here."_

"Where?" Booth couldn't help but whisper.

But he received only a knowing smile. And then the light was gone, leaving Booth with that familiar ache in his heart. He pressed his eyes shut, taking a deep shuddering breath as he tried to pull himself together. The pain slowly subsided and he felt his body relax again.

"Are you okay?" Brennan's soft voice reminded him that she was still there. He wondered how long she had been standing there. Booth smiled, but didn't move.

"Yeah," he said, and he meant it.

Hesitatingly, Brennan moved to sit at the edge of the bed. She tried to not think of the last time they'd been together there, but failed. Her heart started to beat faster, just by the thought of Booth's naked body against hers. Blushing, she pushed those thoughts aside.

She looked down at him and smiled. After so much time apart, just watching him now like this was amazing. Her smile faded as he opened his eyes and met hers. Tears were silently running down his cheeks.

Brennan reached out to wipe a few away, her act surprising both herself and Booth. "You're not ok," she stated.

"I'm more than ok Bones."

"Then why…" her voice trailed off as it suddenly occurred to her that he might not want to talk about it. Whatever it was that made him cry, it was private.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked instead.

It took a while before he answered. Then he shook his head. "No. Just stay with me," he whispered.

Brennan nodded, not really knowing what he meant.

She felt Booth's hand on her arm. She was just about to ask what he wanted, when he gently tugged at it. Brennan let him pull her down without really thinking of what she did. She rested her head on his chest, making herself comfortable next to him. Booth's arm was still wrapped around her and as he pulled her closer Brennan suddenly knew. Of course she knew. She just wished she could have realized it sooner. It was after all what she had so desperately wanted all those times she had visited him in jail.

He just wanted to hold her, to feel the warmth and comfort of another human being next to him. She could finally give him that.

Brennan sighed softly. Shifting so she could wrap one arm around him too, she held him just as close. She closed her eyes. Just being in Booth's arms again was enough to make her believe that maybe something good was about to come.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC :)_**


	24. Runaway

**Chapter 24 – Runaway**

Brennan knew she should be happy. Booth was back in her life, he was starting to look like the Booth he'd been before everything had started to go wrong. He seemed to be happier. It warmed her heart to see him smile and hear him laugh again. But that fear she so desperately had been trying to keep buried started to come back again.

She had once said she would wait for him. And now that day had come and he expected her to… Brennan wasn't really sure what he was expecting from her, but she was sure he wanted to be so much more than her friend. She couldn't deny that she wanted that too, so badly. After everything they'd been through together, they had grown even closer. They were already more than friends. But Booth wanted to make it official and that was what scared her. She had never cared about a man the way she cared for Booth. But what if she opened up to him and it didn't work out? She could never handle a loss like that, and she was sure Booth wouldn't either. If loving Booth meant risk losing him as a friend, it wasn't worth it. It didn't matter that she wanted more from him too; she just couldn't risk their friendship. Brennan had always been one to listen more to her head than her heart. This was one of those times when she had to ignore her heart.

Only a few days ago Brennan had received a phone call from Antonio Salvatore, an anthropologist in South America who wanted her to come work with him. She had turned the offer down, but suddenly it seemed a whole of a lot more tempting to accept it. Maybe it was what she needed to get a perspective to this whole thing? Some time away from Booth…

As she walked through the Jeffersonian with Angela she wanted to tell her. Maybe Angela could give her some advice?

"I've been offered a job in Peru; I think I might take it," she blurted out.

Angela stopped dead in her tracks, grabbing hold of Brennan to stop her too.

"What!" she exclaimed. "For how long?"

"Six months, it's not that long." Brennan suddenly felt like she needed do defend herself. Why was Angela yelling at her?

Angela just stared, not believing what her best friend was telling her. It wasn't possible. Brennan couldn't just pack up and leave. Not now. It was the last thing she had expected, but then again maybe she should have. Brennan always seemed to do things that were totally illogical to Angela. They just had this whole different way of seeing the world. But it didn't make Angela feel any less confused.

"But why?"

"It'll be a great opportunity for me to practice…" she was cut off.

That's when it hit her. Angela sighed. "You're running away, that's what it is."

Now it was Brennan's turn to stare. What was wrong with Angela? She had thought she would approve. Maybe even like the idea. It was a great opportunity to get to work with one of the world's best anthropologist. Didn't Angela understand that?

Angela went on. "You cannot do this to him sweetie."

"To who?"

"Booth of course."

"This has nothing to do with Booth," Brennan said quickly. She started to walk again. Angela followed her to her office, not giving up on this conversation just yet.

"I think it has. Have you two had a fight or something?"

Brennan shook her head no. She hesitated. "I think he wants something from me," she finally confessed.

Angela was confused for about a second, but then she realized what Brennan was talking about. She smiled. "Of course he does. You told him you'd wait for him. He's waited for three years sweetie."

"But I can't do that... I can't be what he wants me to be. A romantic relationship with Booth, it's just... I don't know how to do it. I don't know how."

Angela sighed. She led Brennan over to the sofa and sat down, tugging at her arm. Brennan sat.

"There's nothing new Bren, you two are already so close, just think of everything that happened before jail. You were always with him; you never left his side sweetie."

"That was different, he needed me... he..." her voice trailed off. She sighed.

"He still does, more than you think."

"Why?"

"Who else does he have now?"

Brennan felt a pang of sadness as she realized Angela was right. But that couldn't change anything, she couldn't let it.

Brennan tried to deny it. "He has plenty of people."

Angela raised an eyebrow, giving her a questioning look. "Who, sweetie? Who does Booth turn to when he need comfort, when he need someone to talk to?"

"Well he usually comes to me."

"Exactly."

"But that doesn't mean that he doesn't have other people who…" she was cut off.

"I see what you're trying to do here, but you're wrong. I think even you know that."

"I'm not trying to do anything; I'm just being rational Ange."

Angela shook her head, but she didn't answer. "Just talk to him before you decide anything. If you go now, it's like telling him you don't care anymore."

"I do care about Booth, it's just..."

"You're afraid, I know." Angela stated. "But don't be, okay? Don't let fear ruin what you and Booth have."

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it."

Angela stood. "Stay," she whispered. Then she turned and left Brennan alone.

Brennan stared after her. She didn't want to leave Booth. But could she stay? What should she do? What would Booth want her to do? There were so many questions, and Brennan wanted answers. But there weren't any logical ones. If she stayed Booth would want her to start a real relationship with him. He wanted her in every way a man could want a woman, Brennan was sure of that. He had never told her of course, but the way he spoke to her when they were alone, the way he held her in his arms. And those kisses. They hadn't been many, but it had been enough to make her realize just how much they meant to each other. And then there was the night they'd had sex. Brennan had tried so hard not to think of that night, and failed every time. That memory would stay with her forever, no matter what she did or where she was. It had been amazing. It wasn't just sex; there were so much emotion, so much love...

Brennan didn't want anything more badly than to surrender herself to Booth, to let herself love him without feeling afraid. But that wasn't her. She had never done anything like that, and to be honest, she just didn't know how. What if she'd end up losing him? She knew she could never survive a loss like that. It was safer to not get involved. It was the most rational thing to do.

In that moment, Brennan knew what she had to do. She would take the job. It was only six months. It would give her some perspective to her feelings. Maybe it would even be good for her and Booth to spend some time apart again.

Before she had time to change her mind, Brennan picked up the phone.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**

_**A/N:** Ok so before you decide to kill me, this is not as bad as it seems : ) wait until __the next chapters and you'll see why.  
It just wouldn't be "SEFBIAC" if it suddenly went all warm and fluffy. There have to be some complications along the way… _


	25. Broken

**Chapter 25 – Broken**

Standing at the airport, she was starting to doubt that she did the right thing. Angela and Booth were there, and she didn't really want to say goodbye to either of them. But what hurt the most was seeing the look in Booth's eyes. He hadn't said anything, but she knew he wanted her to stay. He was both stunned, and hurt by her sudden decision.

As she stood there she could see the whole scene rerun in front of her eyes.

_"I've been offered a job in Peru, I accepted and I'm leaving tomorrow_. _I know it's sudden but I have to do this,"_ she had blurted it out, not knowing what it would do to him.

He had just stared at her, too shocked to speak.

"_It's only six months, I'll be back,"_ she had said hoping it would make him feel better. She realized now, it had done the opposite.

"_Bones, why?"_ he had finally managed.

"_It's a great opportunity for me to_…" she had trailed off as she'd seen the horrified look on his face.

"_What is it?"_

He hadn't answered.

"_Booth?"_ she had insisted. _"Talk to me."_

"_I just didn't see this coming, I can't believe you…"_ the words had died on his lips.

"_I'm sorry, I know you want us to be together romantically but I have to take this job, maybe when I come back if you still want to. But I can't promise you anything,"_ she had explained.

Booth had nodded numbly, but he hadn't said anything. Before she had a chance to continue, he had turned and walked away. She'd been standing there staring after him. Desperately fighting back tears.

Brennan looked at Booth, knowing how badly he wanted her to stay.

But she couldn't.

She turned away from Booth and hugged Angela. "I know you don't approve, but I really want to do this," she said. It was part lie, part truth. "I'll miss you Ange."

"Sweetie," Angela whispered. "I wish you would stay."

"I know."

"Booth does too, this is killing him, can't you see that?" Angela whispered in her friends' ear.

Brennan hated to hear her say that. But she couldn't let it affect her now.

"He'll be fine," she said. She didn't know if it was Angela or herself she was trying to convince.

Angela didn't answer. Brennan let her go, hesitating a few seconds before turning to Booth.

"Booth," she started, but didn't know how to continue. They stood like that, just watching each other.

"Bones, I..."

"I'll be back," Brennan said quickly, interrupting whatever he was about to say. "It's only six months Booth."

He just nodded.

"Don't look so sad," Brennan felt her eyes brim with tears.

"I don't want you to go Bones," he spoke in such a low voice Brennan had a hard time hearing him.

"I have to."

Booth hung his head. Brennan turned her head to throw a quick glance at Angela. But she wasn't there. Brennan was confused. Had Angela left? Sighing, she turned back to Booth.

"I'm sorry; this is not what you wanted. But I... I can't stay..."

Booth didn't look up.

"Booth," Brennan closed the gap between them, putting her arms around him. She felt Booth's arms around her too, a bit hesitant at first then he pulled her closer holding on to her as if he'd never let her go. They stood like that for a long time.

Brennan hated herself for pulling away, but if she didn't go now, she would miss her flight. She kissed Booth on the lips. It was a quick kiss; she couldn't risk anything more passionate now.

"Goodbye," a few tears slipped down her cheek as she turned, leaving him standing there.

XxxxX

Booth's heart was breaking all over again. As he stood there staring after her as she slowly disappeared into the crowd, he felt betrayed. He had actually believed her when she'd said she'd wait for him. He had suffered for three years, the tiny ray of hope the only thing that kept him alive. He had waited for her, and she had left him all alone.

Booth felt like crying. He felt weak, he could barely breathe. Staggering to the nearest bench, he collapsed onto it. He leant forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, head buried in his hands.

Six months, and then what? What would happen when she came back? It wouldn't change anything. If she didn't want him now, then she certainly wouldn't want him then. Booth's heart ached. She didn't want him. He had given her everything he could. He'd really tried. But it hadn't been enough.

Maybe he had been too boring? Sure, he hadn't been the happiest person to be around, but he'd thought Brennan had understood. Had he been wrong? Had she been with him out of pity?

Booth pressed his eyes shut, trying desperately to not let the pain through. He couldn't cry. He couldn't let anything like this bring him down again. He wasn't sure he would survive any more bad news. He just couldn't bear to love and lose again. He had loved Parker with all his heart and not even that had been enough.

Maybe it was for the best that Brennan had left him. He wanted so badly to tell himself that. But why did it hurt so much then? Booth knew the answer. He loved her. He truly did. She was everything he had now, the only thing that meant something to him. And now she was... gone?

Booth just didn't understand. How could she do that to him? He'd thought she cared.

Booth knew he should leave, but he just couldn't find the strength to move. What did he have to go back to? When Brennan had left, she had taken Booth's heart with her, and without it, nothing really mattered anymore. What did freedom mean when Brennan was no part of it?

"_You can take away all the love, what do I need it for?  
You can take away all these words, there's no meaning anymore  
You can take away everything; leave me lying on the floor..."_

_XxxxX_

_**TBC**_

_**A/N **__Ok, this chapter almost made __**me**__ cry. I have to remind you here, no killing of the author, ok? Because if you do, you won't get to read the next happier chapter ; )_

_Song: "Broken" – Leona Lewis_


	26. Unbreak my heart

**Chapter 26 – Unbreak my heart**

She couldn't do it. Her mind was trying to rationalize everything, telling her of course she could. She would. She was on her way. But her heart told her something different. She usually ignored those feelings, but now they were so strong it almost hurt her physically to walk that corridor that led her to the plane. Every step she took led her farther away from Booth. And with every second, her heart was breaking a little bit more. Brennan tried to take no notice of it, but the feeling grew harder and harder to ignore.

She could see him before her. The sad look in his eyes. Angela's words echoed in her head as she walked. _"If you leave now it's like telling him you don't care…"_ Her steps became slow and hesitant, but she didn't stop. She had almost reached the plane now. When she stepped on board there would be no turning back.

Brennan was torn. She did care about Booth. Of course she did. She even loved him. Yes she knew that she did and she also knew there was no idea to try to hide that from herself. She was in love with Booth. But it was the love that bothered her. It scared her to death sometimes. It was what she was walking away from now. It didn't have anything to do with not caring about Booth…

But if he thought it did… was he thinking she didn't like him anymore? How could she do that to him? Brennan stopped walking. She had been so focused on herself; she had forgotten to think of how it would affect Booth.

"Excuse me, miss?"

Brennan was snapped out of her thoughts. She looked at a flight attendant.

"You need to board the plane now."

It was then Brennan realized she had stopped right outside the door. Now she stood there, hesitating.

"Is it your first time?"

"What?"

"That you fly, you seem worried."

Brennan didn't know whether she should be annoyed or amused. "I'm not scared of flying, it's just…" Brennan threw a look over her shoulder. The long corridor was empty now. "I don't think… I can't…" she didn't finish the sentence. Instead she started to retreat. First just a few slow steps, with her eyes still on the plane.

"Miss?"

"I can't go," Brennan stated, mostly to herself but the flight attendant nodded. As she turned to talk to another girl, probably a co-worker, Brennan turned to walk away. To walk back.

Brennan didn't know what she had expected. Maybe she'd thought Booth had gone home just as Angela had. But as her eyes scanned the hall, finally landing on him there he sat, she was stunned. She couldn't tell exactly how long she had been gone, maybe half an hour, maybe more, and Booth was still sitting there. What was he doing? Why hadn't he left? Brennan wanted to move toward him, but she was frozen. Booth didn't move either, he hadn't noticed her. When she looked a little closer, she realized his body was trembling. He was leaning his elbows against his thighs, head buried in his hands.

Not ready to speak to him, she picked up her phone and dialed Angela. It took a while before the artist answered.

"It's me," Brennan greeted.

"Bren," Angela sighed. "Why are you calling?"

"I didn't go. Could you come back and drive me home?"

There was a long silence.

"Ange?"

"Yeah sure, I'm on my way."

"Why did you leave so quickly?"

Another sigh. "I just couldn't bear to see that poor man suffer anymore, I just… I couldn't stay and see him break down. It hurt Brennan."

Now it was Brennan's turn to be quiet. What could she say?

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered.

"Don't apologize to _me_; I'm not mad at you. Have you talked to him?"

Brennan shook her head, not realizing Angela couldn't see her. "Not yet," she sighed, looking at Booth. He was still in the same position.

"Then go to him," Angela said.

"How did you know he's still here?"

"Just go to him, now."

"Ok, bye Ange," with that Brennan hung up. She stood there a few more minutes, looking at Booth, and then forced herself to move over to him.

"Booth?" she said softly.

He slowly straightened his back, looking up. When he spotted her he looked confused, almost as if he didn't believe he was seeing it right.

"I couldn't leave," Brennan whispered. "I was wrong."

Booth was too shocked to speak. All he could do was stare.

"Booth?" Brennan repeated his name, this time a bit hesitant. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Are you mad at me?"

Booth finally shook his head. "I'm not mad, Bones. It's just…. you know… why did you change your mind?"

Brennan didn't know what to say. She came to think of what Angela had said on the phone. "I couldn't leave you," she finally said. "I think I… love you…" she whispered the last part, but she was sure Booth had heard her. But he didn't speak. He didn't say it back the way she had expected him to. Brennan stared. She could feel the panic start to rise in her chest. Why didn't he say it back? Both she and Angela had been so sure he felt the same. Had they been wrong?

"Booth?" she whispered. She hated the way her voice trembled, but there was no way she could help it. "I thought you wanted me to stay, why are you just sitting there?"

Booth got up on his feet, taking a step toward Brennan. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he loved her too. But there was something that was keeping him from doing it. Brennan looked like she would start to cry at any second.

"I am… I mean I do. I'm glad you're here Bones," Booth forced himself to say. "We should go home, right?"

Brennan nodded stiffly. This was not what she had expected. This was not like Booth at all. In fact he was acting in a way she could have expected from herself.

"I'm not going anywhere again, I'm here now… I'll stay don't worry."

Booth smiled. "That's good Bones."

"Yeah it is? Isn't it?"

Booth chuckled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they walked away. But Brennan couldn't enjoy it. Deep down she had a bad feeling. Somehow she knew something had happened. Something wasn't right with Booth, but she couldn't say what it was.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**


	27. If you're not the one

**Chapter 27 - If you're not the one**

Was Booth avoiding her? It couldn't be true. But then why did he always have an excuse every time Brennan wanted to meet him?

As a week was passing by Brennan was going crazy. She needed to know what was going on.

"I think he is avoiding me," was the first thing she said as she stepped into Angela's office. The artist looked up from her sketch pad, placed it on her desk and then spun her chair around so she was facing Brennan.

"Hello to you too sweetie," she smiled. Brennan sat down in an empty chair opposite the desk.

"You have to tell me what to do."

"I'm no expert Bren," Angela said, already knowing what this was about.

"Far better than me when it comes to men, what is going on with Booth? I don't get it, he is acting so strange."

Angela laughed softly, but didn't speak. She knew that if she kept quiet it would trigger Brennan to tell her more.

"He was the one who wanted me to stay. I stayed because he wanted me to. But now he's… I don't know…"

Brennan sighed, looking at her best friend. "Say something Ange!"

"Did you tell him that?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you stayed because he wanted you to? Because that might not have been…" Angela was cut off.

"No, I told him I couldn't leave him. I told him I love him." Brennan realized too late what she'd said. She cursed mentally. She really shouldn't have let Angela know _that_.

Angela grinned. "Wow," she mused.

"Yeah," Brennan muttered. "Obviously he doesn't feel the same."

"Of course he does, I think he's afraid."

Brennan was confused. "Afraid of what?"

"Love… you."

"Me? No." Brennan had to consider that for a while. Then she shook her head. "He's not. I'm the one who's afraid of love, never Booth."

"He is now," Angela guaranteed. "Just think about it. He has loved and lost, so many times, with Parker, and then you…. I think he's trying to protect himself from another heartache. He doesn't dare to love you because he is afraid he'll lose you, again."

"But he never lost me."

"You went away, you left him." Angela argued.

"But I came back!" Brennan shot back.

"It doesn't matter. You shouldn't have left in the first place."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Sweetie, this has nothing to do with sides. You asked me and I tell you what I think is wrong with Booth. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just telling the truth."

Brennan sighed. "Sorry," she mumbled. Angela smiled and nodded. "You're all he has now, you broke his heart, it's gonna take a while for him to trust you now, but he will, just give him time."

"I'm just afraid I'll change my mind…."

"About Booth?"

"No, I'll never do that…" Brennan answered so fast Angela couldn't help but laugh. "About… me…" she went on. "What if I'll get afraid again and, maybe I'm stupid for…" she couldn't finish the sentence.

"You won't. You're ready to love him sweetie. You just have to make _him_ believe that now."

Brennan half smiled. "I told you you're good at this."

Angela laughed. "I'm the best," she smiled.

XxxxX

Booth looked at the number on the display. It was Brennan's. He stared at the phone, not sure whether he should answer or not. He went for the latter and shoved the phone into his pocket letting it ring.

Sighing, Booth turned the key to start the car. But he didn't drive right away; instead he just sat there listening to the soft humming of the engine. He loved his new car, but it reminded him so much of Brennan. It had been a gift from her and Booth still had a hard time believing she had actually bought him a car. It was just unbelievable.

Booth let his hand stroke the black leather at the passenger seat. It felt cold and soft under his touch; he let his hand linger there, imagining Brennan being right there next to him.

He didn't understand. She confused him, now more than ever. She had been so determined to take that job in Peru. She had been so close to board that plane that would take her so many miles away from him. But she had changed her mind in the last minute. She had told him she couldn't leave him.

But that didn't change the fact that she had planned to, and it made Booth feel insecure. What if she would do it again? He didn't want to lose her like that.

But it hurt him to stay away. He needed her more each day. If she wasn't the one, then Booth didn't think anyone could ever be either. It was only Brennan. Always her.

She had said she loved him. Booth had been too shocked to say it back. He had been too shocked to speak at all. But somehow he had a feeling that even if he could, he wouldn't have said it. After everything that had gone wrong in his life, telling someone like Brennan he loved her, felt like jumping headfirst off a cliff. He had no idea where he would land. He had no guarantee she would stand by her word and not run away again.

But he did love her and he knew in her heart she felt the same. Booth just wanted a sign, something that would tell him Brennan _was_ the one. He wanted to trust her with his heart. But it had been broken so many times recently, he just didn't dare. But that didn't change the fact that whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her face before him. It didn't change the fact that his life felt so miserable without her in it…

"Booth?"

Booth was snapped back to reality, and there she was, looking down at him. He stared at her. "Bones," he whispered. He felt breathless.

"Why aren't you answering your phone? I thought something had happened to you."

"I'm fine."

"You going somewhere?"

Booth just nodded.

"Talk to me," Brennan begged. "I made a mistake, but I want to fix this, I…" she paused and sighed. "I miss you."

Booth smiled sadly and nodded. "I miss you too Bones." He turned his eyes on the road in front of him. "But I have to move on. You should too." He hit the gas and the car shot forward.

"_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?__  
_  
XxxxX

_**TBC**_


	28. There you'll be

**Chapter 28 – There you'll be**

Brennan had been right. She had known as soon as he had driven away where he was heading. But as she stopped her car behind his, she wasn't sure she should go after him. Maybe he wanted to be alone with Parker?

A bit hesitant, Brennan slid out of the car, carefully closing the door before leaving the car. When she had walked a while, she saw him sitting in the grass facing the gravestone. Brennan stopped and just watched him. She decided then that she wouldn't disturb. It was the first time since he had been released from prison that he was at the grave, and Brennan was sure it was hard enough for him without having to deal with her too.

So she remained standing there just watching him in respectful silence. Minutes went by and soon an hour had passed. Brennan hadn't moved, neither had Booth. She took a few steps closer. The distance was too big for him to have heard her, but he looked up and turned his head to look at her. Brennan stopped again, unsure of what to do now when she was caught. She had thought he would say something, but he just turned back to the stone.

Brennan decided to join him. As she reached him she knelt next to him, placing her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. Booth slowly turned to look at her. Brennan felt a wave of sadness wash over her as she saw his face. He looked so miserable that she almost started to cry. She fought the tears back and reached out a hand to catch a few of his instead. The little salty drops glistened there they were resting at her fingertips. Brennan watched them for a while, and then she turned her eyes back to Booth. His eyes were full of tears and when he blinked one of them escaped, slowly rolling down his cheek.

Sighing softly, Brennan took Booth's hand in hers. He still didn't speak, but Brennan knew he appreciated her gesture as she felt his fingers gently squeeze hers.

They sat like that for a while, and then Booth finally spoke. "After all this time it still feels surreal, it's… am I ever going to get used to this?" Booth gestured for the grave. "I can't… I can't believe he's gone."

"I think it will always hurt, you just learn to live with it," Brennan whispered.

Booth nodded. "I thought I could, but now… I'm… what if I was wrong?"

"You weren't," Brennan assured him. Booth looked at her.

Brennan saw the doubt in his eyes "You weren't wrong," she repeated.

There was a silence. "I know," Booth finally said. "It's just… it's the first time I'm here."

Brennan nodded knowingly. "It will get easier."

"I know," Booth said again. And it was the truth. He'd had so much time to think over the three years in prison, and not a day had gone by without him missing Parker. But he knew that nothing he would do could bring Parker back. He would never get to play with him in the park again, he would never hold him in his arms or hear him laugh, but Booth had accepted that. He had realized that he couldn't keep living in the past. But no matter what he'd do and where he'd go, Parker would always be right there with him. His body might be dead, but his soul would always keep on living within Booth. He would always hold him inside his heart and keep him close wherever he went. Booth knew Brennan would think he was crazy, but as long as it made him feel better, he didn't care. It would hurt too much to just let go. Booth couldn't do that. And maybe he _was_ crazy, but it wasn't the first time then. As they sat there, he could feel Parker's presence. And he could swear he heard his voice whisper '_daddy'. _

It made Booth smile.

"_In my heart there will always be a place  
for you for all my life  
I'll keep a part of you with me  
and everywhere I am, there you'll be…"_

XxxxX

Booth hadn't said much as they'd reached their cars, but he had made it clear he didn't want her to follow him. Brennan had respected that, but she was frustrated. She had always been the one to push him away when their partnership had been threatened to develop into more than that. She had been too afraid of what it would mean, and she had chosen the safest way out. Now it was Booth who was doing it.

Heading toward her office back at the Jeffersonian, Brennan didn't see Angela's eyes following her as she went inside and closed the door.

Angela sighed and shook her head. This had been going on for too long now, and it was obvious Brennan wasn't going to find a way to fix it herself. Angela understood why Booth did it, but she hated to see what it did to her friend. If he wouldn't let his guard down soon, Angela was afraid Brennan would build the walls around her heart back up too. And if that happened, it would be too late for both of them. Because when Booth wasn't taking the initiative, there was no way Brennan would do it once she turned back into her old self.

As she stood there Angela suddenly got an idea. She grinned at how brilliant she was, then she ran toward the office. Brennan needed to hear this fast. Angela was so excited she forgot to knock.

"Sweetie!" she called out once inside. She received a raised hand and a glare. Realizing her friend was on the phone; Angela smiled an apologetic smile, and went to wait on the sofa.

For Angela it felt like it took forever, but it probably wasn't more than five minutes. When she saw Brennan put the phone down she immediately opened her mouth to speak.

"I have the most amazing idea ever," she grinned.

Brennan looked confused, but remained silent as she waited for Angela to explain.

"You and Booth should get married."

Brennan couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was so taken aback by her friends' odd comment she couldn't even find her voice. Wide eyed, she stared at Angela.

She laughed. "Don't look so shocked."

Brennan couldn't speak.

"What do you say?"

"No," Brennan managed to choke out. "No, I can't marry Booth."

"Of course you can."

Brennan was horrified. Marry Booth? No, that was not even an option right now. Maybe not ever. It was insane. How could Angela even suggest something like that?

"I know you don't believe in marriage, but think about it, it's exactly what you two need."

"I can't see what good it would do."

Angela sighed, rolling her eyes. "Of course you can't," she muttered.

Now it was Brennan's turn to sigh. "Besides Booth wouldn't ask me to marry him, he hardly wants to see me, so just forget it Ange, it won't happen."

"I meant _**you**_ should ask _**him**_," Angela clarified.

Brennan laughed shaking her head. "Forget it Ange, it's never going to happen."

"Why!"

"It just isn't, ok?"

"No I won't accept an answer like that," Angela said stubbornly. She fixed her eyes on Brennan. "Give me a reason why asking Booth would be so horrible."

Brennan cringed. She didn't want to talk about this, but she didn't want to hurt Angela's feelings either by throwing her out. She couldn't understand, but she was sure the artist was sincere about her so called amazing idea.

She grimaced and sighed. But when she opened her mouth she realized she didn't know what she was going to say. She didn't have a reason good enough to convince Angela. She didn't even have a reason to convince herself. Maybe the idea wasn't so bad after all?

Angela seemed to know what was on her mind, she smirked. "Can't come up with anything huh?"

Brennan just sighed annoyed, Angela went on. "I'm just saying that asking him would prove to him that you are committed to your relationship; that you're ready to love him the way he's afraid you can't. Know what I mean?"

It took a while for Brennan to think it through, but she finally nodded her head in agreement. She had to admit Angela had a point. A pretty good one even. Maybe it _was_ what Booth needed to hear right now? So much had changed in their lives lately, so why not make another change? It couldn't be that bad, could it? Brennan's heart started to beat faster by the thought of Booth as her husband. It was incredible and frightening all at the same time. It was a fairytale Brennan had never dared to hope for. A fairytale she hadn't even believed in until this moment.

"What are you thinking of?" Angela's voice brought Brennan back to reality. She gave her friend a fast, nervous smile. Then she nodded.

Angela let out an excited gasp, jumping to her feet with a squeal. "Was that a yes, as in yes I agree with you; or a yes as in I'll do it?"

Brennan couldn't hold back a smile as she said, "I'll ask him to marry me."

_XxxxX_

_**TBC**_

_**Song: "There you'll be" Faith Hill**_


	29. Commitment

**Chapter ****29 –**** Commitment**

The words Angela had spoken earlier that day in her office still sounded in Brennan's head as she drove toward Booths' apartment building. She was sure she was about to do one of the most stupid things she'd ever done. But as she thought about it, it didn't seem so stupid. Angela definitely had a point, Brennan couldn't deny that. Booth needed to trust that she was serious about him. It didn't matter anymore that she didn't believe in marriage. Booth believed, and somehow that was good enough for her.

When she reached his door, her hand trembled as she reached out to knock. Brennan was surprised to realize she actually felt nervous. Before she had time to analyze further, the door opened.

"Bones!" She was glad he sounded happy to see her, but as she looked into his eyes there was also… uncertainty, and disapproval. Brennan frowned, suddenly feeling insecure. How was she going to ask him something like this, if he didn't even want to see her? Awkwardly, she shifted her weight from one leg to the other; waiting for some sort of sign.

"Do you want to come inside?" Booth finally asked.

Brennan just nodded, walking past him as he held the door opened for her to entry. She headed for the sofa, intending to sit down, but changed her mind just as she'd sat. She got back up on her feet, facing Booth who was still lingering in the middle of the room.

"Uhm I came to ask you something," she started. Booth raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. She didn't.

"What did you want to ask Bones?"

Brennan looked troubled; she glanced at Booth, than she turned the eyes to her feet. Finally she looked up at Booth again, smiling, a bit hesitant. "There is a traditional way to do this, but honestly I have no idea of how people do it so I'll just…" Brennan's voice trailed off. She sighed. "Booth?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to marry me?" she finally blurted out.

Booth couldn't respond. All he could do was stare. Surely, he had heard her wrong, or it was some kind of joke? Right? There was no way Brennan could actually propose to him? Just like that.

"I think this is the part when you're supposed to say something," Brennan said, nervously waiting for the answer. It never came.

"Booth?"

He finally spoke, and all he could manage was a stunned "You're serious?"

Brennan nodded. "Yes."

"But…" Booth looked confused. "But you don't believe in marriage?"

"I believe in you."

Booth couldn't help but to smile then. The proposal had come as a shock, but as the shock slowly started to wear off, the feeling was replaced by confusion. But there was something else too, something that Booth couldn't find the right word for. But it made him smile; it made a tiny ray of hope come to life inside of him; a future that had been so dark for so long, slowly started to take form and brighten up again. Maybe _this_ was the sign he had been praying for. Maybe Brennan could be a part of his life after all?

Booth didn't know what he was getting himself into, but he knew for sure that if he wanted Brennan in his life he couldn't turn this down now. If he said no, he'd push her away forever. Brennan didn't believe in marriage, he knew that. That she'd actually decided to go against those believes, meant a lot. If Brennan was ready to marry him, Booth was certain she was truly committed to him. She meant what she said when she told him she wasn't going anywhere again. He had just been too afraid to trust her then. But now…

"Marriage, huh?" he grinned.

Brennan relaxed and she smiled back. "Yes, marriage."

"Do you have a date set too?"

For a brief moment Brennan looked horrified, but her expression soon turned into a soft smile. She shook her head. "We don't have to get married right away," she said. "If you don't want to." She hastily added. She didn't want Booth to think that she didn't stand by her decision. "I just want you to know that I'm ready. You are a very important piece of my life and I want to have a relationship with you."

Booth smiled. "I want that too Bones," he said. "And, yes… yes I want to marry you."

They moved simultaneously, stepping into each other's arms. Both felt relieved for different reasons. For Booth, being in Brennan's arms again felt like coming home, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It wasn't until now he realized how much it had bothered him to stay away from Brennan, how much it had hurt him to not know whether she would stay, or go.

Brennan was shocked to realize she was thrilled. The thought of marrying Booth, marrying anyone at all, had terrified her. She had thought it was irrational and stupid to promise to love and commit to _one_ person for the rest of your life. But now, somehow that didn't seem so impossible anymore. In fact, Brennan was sure she would never want to love anyone but Booth. It had always been Booth, she had denied it, sure, but deep down she knew now that she had more or less loved Booth from the first time she'd met him.

Brennan was first to pull away, just a little bit so she could look up at Booth. She smiled as she realized he actually looked happy. It had been so long since she had seen that warm smile, and the sparkle in his eyes, she had almost forgotten it. But seeing it now, Brennan was sure she had done the right thing.

Her thoughts were cut off as she felt Booth's hands cup her face. He leaned down to kiss her. Brennan responded without thinking. It felt natural kissing Booth, and yet they had only shared a few over the years.

One arm went to the small of Booth's back, pulling him closer to her. The other arm was behind his neck, once in a while she let her fingers run through his hair as they continued kissing.

When they finally pulled away, Brennan suddenly felt tense. She took a step back. "I should go," she said.

Booth stared, shocked. "What? Now?"

Brennan didn't respond.

"Why?"

"We should get some sleep, it's late and I have to work tomorrow."

This time it was Booth who didn't speak. He just didn't know what to say to her. How could she want to marry him, and then just leave as if nothing had happened? It just didn't make sense.

"Don't go Bones, you just got here," he finally said. "Stay, you can sleep here. I'll take the couch if you prefer to…" he was cut off.

"Don't be silly," Brennan said. "Ok, I'll stay, but I _am_ tired Booth, can we just sleep?"

Booth chuckled. "Of course we can," he put his hand at the small of Brennan's back, guiding her into the bedroom.

XxxxX

TBC


	30. Let me love you

**Chapter 30 ****– Let me love you**

"I like this," Booth murmured.

Brennan sighed softly, "Me too," she whispered.

Booth lazily ran his fingers through Brennan's hair, enjoying the warmth and proximity of her body wrapped in his arms. He didn't want to fall asleep. He was afraid that if he did, he would walk up and none of this would be real. Booth knew that wouldn't happen of course. But he wanted to savor the moment. After spending thousands of cold nights alone in jail, lying with Brennan in his own bed felt too good to be true. The way her head rested on his chest, her arms around him holding him close felt so good. If it hadn't been for losing Parker, his life would have been perfect at this moment. But there was always this feeling of emptiness and loss that wouldn't really fade. It was always there in the back of his head, in the depth of his heart. Booth knew that he would never truly be free from it; he just had to learn to live with it. There were moments when he was happy, when he didn't think of Parker, but when he turned off the lights at night and laid in the dark the feelings came creeping back.

And that would never change. Booth had accepted that.

"What are you thinking about?" Brennan asked softly.

It took a while before Booth answered. So long that Brennan started to think that maybe he had fallen asleep.

"Parker," he whispered, finally.

Brennan felt a pang of sadness. Of course he would be missing his son, it didn't matter that more than three years had gone by. But hearing him say it made her feel so sorry for him. It also made her realize it would never be over, not entirely. She was sure that when ten years had passed, Booth would still feel the same.

Brennan sighed, "I'm sorry," she whispered back.

"No," Booth said. "Don't be, it's okay." He was quiet for a long time, and then he continued, a bit hesitant. "What would you say if I told you I'm seeing Parker?"

Brennan lifted her head so she could look at him. "What?" she asked. "What do you mean _seeing_ him?"

"Like he's there with me in a room, sometimes he talks to me."

Brennan shook her head. "I would say that's not possible, that you're imagining him."

Booth sighed. "I knew you'd say that."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Bones, I'm not crazy, it's true."

"No, Booth, Parker is dead," Brennan immediately regretted saying it like that. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "But… I think you should talk to Sweets."

"Bones, I'm _not_ crazy!" Booth repeated. "And I'm not talking to Sweets. I've done fine without a shrink so far, I don't need one now."

"Ok." Brennan wasn't convinced, but she decided to let the subject go for now. "Hey, I'm not really tired anymore," she added instead. It was part lie, but at the moment she didn't care if she'd get too little sleep, all that mattered was that she was with Booth. Feeling all the love and affection radiating off of him filled her with a calm that took away all the awkwardness and fear.

Brennan shifted in Booth's arms so her face was just inches away from his. Her hair fell down onto his face and he grimaced as it tickled his nose. Brennan smiled, closing her eyes briefly enjoying the touch of his fingers as they were brushing strands of soft brown hair away from her face. Tucking it behind her ears, Booth let his hands linger on her face, cupping her cheeks with both hands. He brought his lips to hers. The kiss was soft, their lips barely brushing against each others. Brennan wanted more. Memories of their first and only time sleeping together came flashing into her head. It had been prefect, filled with so much love and passion. She hadn't thought of it at the time, but thinking back now there had also been a tiny bit of desperation added into it, that had taken the edge off the love and added to the passion. Emotions held back for so long, built up sexual tension, mixed with the knowledge that it wasn't only the first time, but also their last had been there in the back of both of their heads. Tonight was different though. Brennan was sure Booth was feeling it too.

Booth's warm hands on her back brought Brennan back to reality. The way his fingers moved across her skin sent little shocks of electricity through her body. She kissed him, more passionately this time, her own hands all over his bare chest and in his hair. Booth responded by pulling her closer to him, deepening the kiss. As they both pulled back for air, Brennan took the opportunity to remove the borrowed T-shirt, which had suddenly grown very irritable and in the way.

Booth smiled. "You're beautiful."

"You're not too bad yourself," Brennan murmured.

Booth grinned, surprising her by rolling them over, trapping her much smaller body under his. Brennan's arms automatically wrapped around him, one of her hands running through his hair before it travelled down over his back. They kissed again.

"Booth?" Brennan asked in-between kisses. He gave her a soft humming sound as an answer. Brennan smiled at that. "We need protection," she blurted. That made Booth stop kissing her. He frowned, looking regretful. Brennan arched an eyebrow. "I didn't, you know… think of that," he mumbled.

Brennan brought her hand to his face, gently tracing the contours of his lips. She smiled then. "It's okay," she said.

Booth frowned. "But you just said we need…"

He was cut off as Brennan shook her head. "I changed my mind." She could see the question in Booth's eyes. She had never felt surer of anything. They didn't need protection. It wasn't rational, but she didn't want it anymore. She didn't want to eliminate the chances of getting pregnant. She had wanted a baby once, but those plans had abruptly been cancelled as Booth had gotten a brain tumor. Back then she had insisted on doing it the artificial way, but now…

"Bones?"

Brennan smiled at how confused he looked. "I want a baby," she whispered.

Booth couldn't hold back a gasp. "Whoa, what?"

"A baby, a tiny person," Brennan clarified

"Yeah, I heard that," Booth suddenly smiled. "Are you sure? Just like that?"

Brennan nodded. "And it's not _just like that_, you know I wanted one before you got the…"

She was cut off. "Yeah," he said. "I know that but…"

Something suddenly occurred to Brennan, and the smile died on her lips. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For the baby talk, it's too soon for you."

Booth suddenly understood what she was referring to.

"No," he said. "It's okay, I'm sure Parker would have loved a baby brother."

"Or sister," Brennan added. "You're sure about this?"

Booth was quiet for a while, and then he smiled. "I'm sure."

"Me too."

"Okay then!" Booth grinned, "let's start making babies."

Brennan smiled. "Yes," she spun them around again, straddling him. "But first, I need to remove these," she said, tugging at his boxers.

Booth flashed her a nervous smile, inhaling sharply as Brennan's fingers slid inside the clothing, slowly and teasingly pulling them down. Subconsciously Booth managed to move his body enough to help Brennan in her undressing task. Her panties soon joined his boxers on the floor. Their naked bodies wrapped around each other, hands caressing every inch of skin they could reach. Both Brennan and Booth knew in this moment that this was what should have been their first time. The time before the trial had been tainted by desperation and despair, but now it was pure bliss.

Every little touch, every kiss left them burning and longing for more.

_XxxxX_

_TBC_


	31. Hindsight bias

**Chapter 3****1 – Hindsight bias**

When the morning came Booth and Brennan were still lying in each other's arms. Tiredly, Brennan let her fingers run across Booth's chest, absentmindedly drawing little patterns and circles with her nails. Booth sighed softly, still enjoying every little touch.

"Did you get into a lot of fights in prison?" Brennan suddenly asked.

Booth tensed immediately. "Why do you ask?"

"You have scars on your back and chest that haven't been there before," Brennan said matter-of-factly.

Booth cringed. He hadn't thought she'd notice, but of course he realized now he should have expected it. He sighed.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

There was a long silence. Brennan stopped her circle drawing and turned so she could see his face. "You should have told me they were hurting you," she said softly.

"I didn't want to worry you."

Brennan sighed. She knew he was telling the truth. She had seen him once with a black eye and a bleeding wound at his side, and she had not been able to bring herself to go back. It had been Angela who had talked her into it. It had hurt her so much to know that there was nothing she could do to help him. She realized now, that just because she hadn't seen the injuries very often, hadn't meant he hadn't gotten any.

"Oh Booth, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have stayed away. You should have told me."

He just shook his head. "It wasn't that bad," he lied.

"Yes," Brennan protested, "These scars show that it was in fact very bad," Brennan let her fingers trace the outline of a soft pinkish line right above his heart. She felt her eyes sting and fought hard against tears. She didn't even want to imagine what could have caused it.

"Bones," Booth whispered. "Please, I don't want to talk about it right now, another time?"

Brennan sighed sadly. "Okay," she leaned in to kiss the scar.

"He got away too easy," she said after a couple of minutes' silence.

Booth was confused. Why would Brennan insist on switching topics just like that? He didn't have a clue what she was talking about now. "Who?"

"Steven, he should have been locked up in jail for the rest of his life. It would have made him suffer more. He should have been there instead of you."

"Hindsight bias, Bones," Booth sighed. "You're right of course, but I couldn't see that at the time. I just thought that killing him was the only way to make him pay. To make _me_ feel better. I should have listened to you."

"Yes, you should have."

Booth snorted, but smiled at her.

Brennan interpreted the snort as a disagreement from his side. "You _should_ have."

"I know, Geez, I just told you so."

Instead of speaking, Brennan gave him a small smile, leaning down to place a kiss on his lips. She sighed then, letting her head rest on his chest. None of them said anything for a long time. But they didn't need to, the silence felt natural and almost comforting. To be able to just be together without the need to talk was a very important piece of a relationship, it proved that they were completely comfortable with each other. And that meant a lot.

Booth lazily let one of his hands run through Brennan's hair.

"Was it worth it?" Brennan suddenly asked.

Again, Booth had no idea of what she was talking about.

"What was?"

"Parker, all the pain, would you do it again if you could?"

"Yes," Booth answered without even having to think. "It was worth every second."

Brennan frowned, not understanding the logic. "How can you say that? I saw how much you were hurting, how could you want…" her voice trailed off

"If I could have Parker back, for just a day, an hour even, I would."

"Even though you know how it turned out?" Brennan asked, slowly starting to regret her question.

"Yes," Booth whispered. But he was starting to doubt. Would he really put himself through all this pain if he could have a choice? If he'd known how it would end, would he have wanted a child at all? Was eight short years of love and happiness, worth a lifetime of grief?

Booth finally decided that it was. No matter how much it hurt to have lost his son, it would have been worse to not have had him in his life at all. If Parker had never existed, Booth knew he wouldn't be the same man that he was today.

"It's better to have loved and lost, that never to have loved at all," Booth said, sighing.

"Normally I would have argued that, but now…" Brennan paused to think. "I'm starting to think you're right."

"You think I'm right?" Booth had to smile. "Wow."

"Don't sound so surprised, there has been a lot of times when I've thought you were right."

Booth was just about to talk, when Brennan's cell phone started ringing. He reached out a hand, grabbing it from where it was sitting on the nightstand.

"Hello," he answered.

Brennan grimaced, trying to reach for it. "Give me the phone," she begged.

"Yes, it's Booth, yeah, she's right here," Booth handed Brennan the phone. "It's Angela."

"Angela?" Brennan asked into the phone. "Why are you…" she was cut off.

"Do you know what time it is? Where are you?"

Brennan was confused. "I just woke up, what do you…" her eyes finally fell on her watch. She stared, not able to talk. It was way past twelve pm.

Angela laughed as the situation finally dawned on her. "Oh my god, sweetie!" she exclaimed. "You are _with_ Booth."

"Yes."

"You should go back to sleep then, I'm sure you two didn't get much of that tonight," Angela teased.

"We did sleep," Brennan protested.

Angela laughed. "If you say so."

"I'm sorry I'm late, I'll be right there." Unwillingly, Brennan removed herself from Booth's embrace and sat up. She was shocked to realize how wrong it felt. She looked at Booth, who had made it to a half sitting position, leaning against one elbow. "Do you want to come with me to the Jeffersonian?"

"Uh," Booth wasn't sure what to answer. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do at all. It felt so strange not having a job. "No," he finally decided.

"But you can't spend all day in your apartment, what are you going to do?"

Booth sighed, a sad look coming across his face. "I don't know," he mumbled.

Brennan reached out her free hand to touch his face. "I know you miss working with the FBI," she said softly. "We'll find something else you like to do."

Booth nodded.

"Uh, Bren? Sweetie?" Angela's voice reminded Brennan that she was still on the phone. Embarrassed, she brought it back to her ear.

"Yes, uh… I'm on my way." Brennan hung up before Angela had time to comment.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**


	32. Real World

**Chapter 32 ****– Real World**

Booth walked aimlessly through the park. He needed something to do, and even though walking was better than just sitting at home doing nothing, it didn't stop that old ache in his heart from coming back.

He wouldn't say that he was unhappy, but it didn't change the fact that there were moments when he just wanted to lay down and never get back up. It was those moments Brennan still helped him though, just by being there for him. But he couldn't rely on her forever. He needed to fight his own way through it all.

"Excuse me? Will you help me?"

Booth stopped walking as a young voice suddenly interrupted his train of thoughts. He turned slowly, and saw a boy, maybe seven or eight looking up at him with pleading eyes. His eyes were blue and the hair so blonde it almost looked white.

"Wh… what's wrong?" Booth asked a bit taken aback by the boys' sudden approach.

"I can't find my mom," the boy looked so miserable that Booth's already broken heart ached for him. He smiled through the pain.

"Of course, what's your name?"

"Jeremy."

Booth held out a hand and the boy took it without hesitation. "Let's find your mommy," Booth said. Jeremy nodded eagerly. "How does she look?"

"Like me, blonde and she has pink puppies on her shirt."

Booth couldn't help but chuckle. "Pink puppies huh?" he smiled. "That shouldn't be so hard to find."

They walked hand in hand through the park, Jeremy frantically scanning the greenery as he walked. Booth too lost in thought to even remember what he was supposed to do. It wasn't until Jeremy tugged at his hand that he was snapped back to reality. "Do you have kids?" the boy asked. "Do you have a girlfriend? My mommy needs a man, she said that!"

Booth swallowed, closing his eyes briefly before finally opening them again. He looked down at Jeremy who was eagerly waiting for an answer. "No," Booth whispered at last. "I don't have kids."

"Then who is Parker?"

"What?" Booth stopped walking out of pure shock. He stared at the boy, not knowing what to do or say. Fresh pain shot through his heart at hearing this stranger say his sons same.

"You called me Parker, who is he?"

"Did I?" Booth asked stupidly. "I uh…" he shook his head and sighed miserably. "He is my son… was… he died," he whispered, hating how his voice broke at the end of the sentence.

"How?" Jeremy wanted to know.

Booth let go of the boy's hand and sunk to the ground. Jeremy stared at him confused, but then he sat next to him.

"My mom cries too sometimes," he said. "When she thinks of Elle. She died too."

"I'm sorry," Booth whispered. "That must have been hard for you." He had no idea of who _Elle_ was, but that didn't really matter at the time.

Jeremy nodded.

Just as Booth was about to speak, he spotted a woman running toward them. Her blonde hair danced around in the wind as she ran and he understood who she was long before he heard her call Jeremy's name.

"Hey I think we've found your mom," Booth pointed to the running woman and when Jeremy saw what Booth saw he got to his feet in one fluid motion and ran to meet his mother half way. She had her arms opened and he ran straight into her embrace.

Booth watched them, remembering how he had hugged Parker just like that. Three lonely years in jail had made him realize he didn't need to hold on to the pain, to hold on to the memories. But there were times like this when he just didn't understand how those things could ever be separated. How could he think of his son without missing him so much it hurt? He had thought time would make it all better. Now he was not so sure.

"Hey there."

Booth blinked. The blonde had made it up to him and was now kneeling in front of him. Jeremy was standing beside her. Booth stared; surprised he hadn't even noticed her until she spoke.

He cleared his throat. "Hi."

"Jer told me you helped him. Thank you, thank you for taking care of him. Who knows what kind of person could have gotten to him if you hadn't been there, I'm really thankful. I'm Jessica by the way," she smiled holding out a hand. Booth shook it.

"Booth," he said automatically. "Uh I mean Seeley."

Jessica smiled again, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "Nice to meet you Seeley." She looked at her son, then back at Booth. "I know my son can be a real pain in the ass sometimes," she joked. "But he's never made a grown-up cry before. What did he do to you?"

"Wh… what?"

Jessica made a gesture toward Booth. "You…" she left the rest unsaid.

It took a while for Booth to understand what she was talking about. Confused, and slightly embarrassed, he brought a hand to his face quickly wiping a thumb across each eye. He smiled, sheepishly and shrugged.

"Jeremy reminded me of someone… it's… nothing really."

"Did Parker look like me?" the kid's voice was surprised and his eyes wide as he looked at Booth expectantly.

Booth grimaced, glancing up at Jessica. The look on her face had changed. Sympathy was so clear in her pale eyes; Booth didn't doubt she had figured it all out. He sighed deeply, then he nodded. "A little."

"I'm sorry," Jessica whispered. "You lost him recently?"

"Three years ago, but it… you know… feels like yesterday sometimes…"

"I know," Jessica agreed. "My little Elle died four years ago, thank god Jeremy survived. It was a fire at our house and when we got her out it was too late, too much smoke in her lungs, they couldn't…" Jessica abruptly cut herself off as she saw the horrified look on Booth's face. "You don't need to hear this, I'm sorry. I talk a lot… too much. Sorry."

Booth had stopped listening at the word _fire_. Images he had been trying so hard to forget came flashing back into his mind and he felt sick. Suddenly he just had to get away from them, but as he tried to move his body just wouldn't obey. He was frozen, his eyes staring blankly at something in the distance.

Jessica said something, but he couldn't hear what. It wasn't until she lay a hand on his arm that he reacted. The sudden touch made him jump. "I'm sorry I should go," he breathed.

Jessica stood and held out a hand for Booth. He took it.

"I said something wrong, didn't I?" she wanted to know.

Booth shook his head, taking a step further away. All he wanted was to turn and run, but seeing Jeremy look at him made him feel guilty for acting so strange. It wasn't the kid's fault that old memories were back to torment him. Booth forced himself to smile, hoping mother and son wouldn't see the pain behind it.

"Hey Jeremy," he said. "Now make sure your mom won't run away from you no more, okay? Maybe I won't be there to find her for you."

Jeremy nodded and smiled. "She won't."

Booth glanced back at Jessica and saw her smile. He turned and started to walk, leaving them behind. As he walked, he wondered what Brennan was doing. Taking a quick look at his watch, he realized she was still at work.

Booth had thought that a walk in the park would make him feel better, but he realized now it had done the opposite. In prison there had been no children, no laughter or anything that could remind him of what he'd lost. But here, in the real world nothing was safe. The world was the same as it had been three years ago, but for Booth it didn't feel like it was. He felt exposed, threatened by even the simplest things. Because it was those things he had shared with Parker.

But meeting Jeremy had made him realize he would have to get used to it. To move on. Because if he didn't, what kind of life did he have to offer Brennan? What kind of father would he be to her children?

_Children…_ Thinking of the night when Brennan had surprised him with the baby talk brought a smile to his lips. The sincerity behind it eased the pain and in that moment the world looked a little brighter again. He had a future, a chance to be happy again. He couldn't let the past be in the way of that.

XxxxX

"_Children playing, birds are singing  
but I can't pretend, there are moments,  
when I wish that I won't wake up again_

_You were all that I __had; I've been hurting so bad  
Heaven took you way too young  
__But I'__ve cried all my tears, after three lonely years  
I must realize that you're gone,  
take my heart back, and move on."_

_XxxxX_

**_TBC_**

**_A/N: Song – "Song to Heaven" Jill Johnsson. _**_This song must have been written for "SEFBIAC" it's just too perfect! : )_


	33. Baby love

**Chapter**** 33 – Baby love**

Thinking back to the embarrassing phone call with Angela Brennan couldn't help but smile. And when she'd walked into the lab everyone had been staring at her. As she had expected, Angela had informed them of exactly why Brennan had been late that day. And of course, they'd all been shocked, in a good way of course. But now, almost a month after, hers and Booth's relationship had started to dawn on them. It wasn't hot news anymore, and people had started to let them be, no questions, no curious looks. Brennan was relieved.

Sitting by her desk, filling out some documents her thoughts drifted to Booth. He had promised her it was nothing to worry about, but she couldn't help it. He was still _seeing_ Parker, it was rare, but it still happened. He had told her that he wasn't crazy, but how could she believe that when he was seeing dead people in his living room?

The phone rang then, snapping her out of her thoughts. "Brennan," she answered.

"Hey Bones!"

"Booth! I was just thinking about you."

He wasn't surprised to hear that. "Really?" he smiled. "And what was I doing in your thoughts?"

"Uh you…" Brennan had to lie. She just couldn't bring herself to tell him she was once again questioning his sanity. "How are you doing at your new job?" she asked instead, hoping he would let the thought subject go.

"Fine, I'm actually enjoying it… you know, I like fixing cars."

Brennan chuckled softly. She was glad she had suddenly remembered that day so long ago when he had told her about his hobby. "I know. I'm glad you do."

"Yeah… at least… it keeps me busy, until I can find something better."

"Booth, it's not FBI, and it can never be. But as long as you're happy, it doesn't matter to me if you're a cop or a mechanic."

Booth smiled, but of course, she couldn't see that. So he changed the subject. "Have you been feeling nauseous anymore lately?"

Brennan frowned. "Yes," she said confused. "This morning actually, why? Do you think I'm going to get the flu or something?" she asked, not understanding his point.

Booth snorted. "I think that you might get something more serious than that."

"What?" Brennan was beyond confused now. "Why would you think that?"

"Bones," Booth sighed amused. "I think that you should buy a…" he was cut off.

Brennan gasped as realization hit. "Do you think I could be pregnant?"

"Maybe."

Brennan didn't know how to feel. She was ready to have a baby, she wanted one. But hearing him point out that she might already be carrying one stunned her.

"Do _you_ _want_ me to be pregnant?" she managed to ask.

Booth was silent as he thought about that. "Yes, I want that Bones," he finally said. Brennan sighed, relieved. After everything that they'd been through, she knew she should probably have known what his answer would be. But she had still held her breath, worrying that he'd say no. Brennan had tried to push the thoughts aside, but ever since they'd started sleeping together, a little nagging thought in the back of her head had constantly reminded her that maybe Booth wasn't honest about having a baby.

She was afraid that he'd think she thought having a child with her would somehow replace Parker. That was never her intention of course, but once planted the thought had refused to let go.

"We should go back to work; I promise I'll buy a test before I go home tonight."

"Okay, see you at your place."_ I love you, _Booth wanted to add, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Yes." With that Brennan hung up. She put the phone at the desk, staring at it. "I love you Booth," she whispered. She wanted to tell him, but she wasn't sure she could pull it off without feeling stupid. She wasn't the romantic type, she knew that. But with Booth, she was willing to try. She just didn't know how and when.

"You're supposed to say that _before_ you hang up, sweetie."

Startled, Brennan turned and saw Angela in her doorway. The artist was grinning.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Angela was faster. "Is it true? Are you pregnant?"

"I don't know."

"But you think so?"

It took a while before Brennan answered. "Booth and I've had sex without a condom a lot of times, so the chances that I might be pregnant are very high," she said bluntly.

Angela laughed. "That's great, wow," she grinned. "What does Booth say?"

"I think he's very excited about having a baby." The moment she said it; the little feeling of doubt she'd been having finally went away. She smiled, relieved.

"He needs something good in his life," Angela said. "I'm glad things are finally starting to go your way, both you and Booth deserve it."

Brennan nodded in agreement. They'd come a long way together. Things none of them had ever thought was possible, things that were too awful to even consider; had changed both of their lives in a blink of an eye. It had almost killed Booth, but he had made it through. Brennan wasn't convinced, but he'd said that if it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have had the strength to go on.

Despite all the horror and misery, something good had come out of it, it had brought them closer. Brennan didn't want to admit it, but deep down she already knew that if none of this had happened, she would never have let herself love Booth.

The rest of the day seemed to go unusually slow. Brennan loved her job, but today she just wanted the day to be over. She wanted to buy that pregnancy test, she wanted to see Booth.

Brennan didn't waste any time staying to talk once the day had finally come to its end. She stopped by her office to change out of her lab coat, and grabbed her jacket and car keys on her way out. She never saw Angela staring after her with an amused grin on her lips.

XxxxX

Standing in her bathroom hours later, Brennan kept staring at the little stick in her hand. She didn't know what she had expected, but it was still a shock to see the little lines that confirmed Booth's theory. She _was_ going to have a baby.

Brennan put the stick away, placing her hands on her still flat stomach as if she was expecting the baby to give her some kind of sign. She looked down, a smile slowly spreading across her face. She was having a baby, Booth's baby.

"Bones! Are you ok in there?"

Brennan jumped at the sound of his voice. She had been so caught up in the moment she had completely forgot the time. How long had she been in the bathroom?

"Yes, I'm fine," she called back.

"What are you doing in there?" Booth asked through the closed door.

"I uh…" her voice trailed off. "Booth?" she called out.

"Yes?"

Brennan slowly opened the door and stepped out to face Booth. She couldn't keep a smile off her face. Without talking she looked up at him, into his eyes. She wondered if the baby would look like him. Maybe it'd get his charming personality, mixed with her intelligence, maybe those beautiful brown eyes? Maybe blue as hers?

"Temperance?" he asked, snapping her back to reality.

"We're having a baby," she finally said.

Booth stared at her in shock. "A baby?" he whispered.

Brennan nodded.

"Oh my god, Bones! That's great news," Booth closed the gap between them, wrapping Brennan into a tight huh. "A baby huh?" he smiled. "Wow!"

Brennan laughed, hugging him back just as tight.

_XxxxX_

**_TBC _**


	34. You can let go now, daddy

**Chapter 3****4 – You can let go now, daddy**

"You're going to have a baby sister," Booth smiled at the gravestone. "You would have liked that wouldn't you?"

He didn't get an answer of course, but he felt like he should tell Parker what was going on in his life. Months had passed by and Booth felt bad for not having visited Parker.

A light breeze of warm air caressed his face. Booth breathed in the air, letting it fill him with a calm peacefulness. He had come alone this time. It wasn't that he didn't want Brennan to be there, but he knew that she couldn't understand how he could talk to a stone, as she'd put it. She believed that once you die, you're gone. Booth knew better, he had even told her that he had been seeing Parker numerous of times after his death, and she had began question whether he was crazy or not.

He believed in heaven, she didn't. It was as simple as that, and Booth accepted her believes. He couldn't change her, he didn't want to. But he didn't want her to think he was ready to be signed up for the loony bin either.

Unaware of Parker's presence, Booth lay down in the grass, watching the clouds slowly drift across the sky.

A vague form of a boy stood there, watching in silence. He was so close to Booth he could have thrown something and hit him. He smiled at the man lying in the grass. All he wanted was for Booth to be happy again. And seeing him, feeling the excitement and hope radiating off of him, Parker knew that he was going to be. He was on his way, and having Brennan and a little unborn girl waiting for him, was giving Booth so many reasons to live again.

Booth felt it then, and this time he knew without a doubt what it meant. He sat up, looking straight at Parker's shimmering form.

Parker smiled again, their eyes met and for a few seconds the world stood still. Booth smiled, whispering a soft "Hey."

Parker smiled back, and then he slowly began backing away. He waved his hand, still smiling and his eyes still locked with Booth's as he went further and further away. He started to dissolve and soon the shimmering faded and went away completely.

Booth looked at the direction he'd went, somehow knowing this was the last time he'd get to see Parker. But it didn't make him sad. He knew now that he could let go of him without feeling guilty or wrong. He would never stop loving Parker, but he also knew that he would want him to be happy and go on with his life. Booth was finally ready to do that.

"_You can let go now, daddy, you can let go  
Oh, I think, I'm ready to do this on my own  
It's still feels a little bit scary but I want you to know  
I'll be okay now, daddy, you can let go."  
_

XxxxX

Booth entered the apartment he and Brennan shared, with a smile on his lips.

"Bones!" He called out, expecting her to answer as she always did. But everything was quiet. Booth took off his leather jacket, holding it for a short while as he listened for some kind of noise. Still nothing.

"Temperance?" he let the jacket drop to the floor as he moved into the apartment. "Bones! Where are you?"

Booth didn't know why he felt so nervous. She had probably just gone to the store or maybe stopped by the Jeffersonian, but as the seconds ticked by he felt panic start to build up inside of him.

Just as he was about to call her name again, his eyes swept through the kitchen, stopping abruptly at a plate, broken and scattered on the floor. Booth took a few steps closer, little pieces of porcelain crunching under his feet.

He studied the broken plate, and that's when he saw it. A few feet away a knife had fallen off the counter and was now lying on the floor. The blade was red with blood. Booth stopped breathing. He didn't know how long he stood there, paralyzed with fear and shock. When he finally regained the ability to move, he slowly backed away from the mess in front of him. His heart was beating so fast it felt like he had been running for hours. Thousands of different scenarios flashed through his head and he didn't like any of them. He didn't want to think of it. He refused to believe something bad had had happened to Brennan. In his heart he knew that if he lost her now, it would kill him.

Booth turned and almost ran toward the door. He didn't know what he was running from, and he knew it didn't matter where he was, the fear wouldn't go away until he could hold Brennan in his arms again. But he just had to get away…

"Booth?"

The sound of her voice stopped him; he spun around, almost expecting it to be hallucination. But there she was, staring at him with a bewildered look on her face. Booth stared back, still not breathing.

"Booth? What's wrong?" Brennan asked. She took a few steps toward his still frozen form. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

Booth let out a shaky breath. "Bones," he finally took the few steps that were separating them, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. "Oh thank god," he sighed.

Brennan was confused, but she didn't say anything as long as Booth was holding her. Instead she hugged him back, feeling the trembling muscles in his body slowly start to relax. Several minutes later, she pulled away so she could look at him.

"What happened?" was the first thing she asked.

Booth suddenly felt stupid. He smiled sheepishly, gesturing for the kitchen. "I uh… you didn't answer and then I saw the blood and I… you know, I thought something had happened to you."

Brennan smiled then. "You were worried about me?"

"Of course."

Brennan's face turned serious again. She sighed. "You shouldn't overreact like that."

Booth stared. "I didn't," he said trying to defend himself. "I thought you were hurt or…" his voice trailed off and he averted his gaze. He couldn't even bring himself to say the word _dead_.

Brennan understood then. After everything bad that had happened in his life, he was afraid of losing her. She wished she could promise him that it wouldn't happen, but how could she know? Looking up at Booth, she realized this was one of those times that she should lie.

"I'm not going to die, you won't lose me," she whispered. It felt good to say it, but Brennan knew that she was promising him something she had no power over. At the moment, she didn't care.

She smiled, holding up a bandaged hand for Booth to see. "I cut myself while chopping salad. I bled a lot and I knocked the plate over trying to reach a towel, I must have been in the bathroom when you came home," she explained.

"Oh…" Booth mumbled, suddenly feeling even more stupid. "Uhm are you…do you need stitches?"

Brennan shook her head. "It stopped bleeding, I'm okay."

Booth sighed in relief. He realized now he _had_ overreacted. "I'm sorry Bones."

Brennan smiled. "You did nothing wrong."

"Yeah I almost gave myself a heart attack, that's all," he smiled.

Brennan took hold of his arm and led him to the living room, pushing him down onto the sofa. "You should rest for a while," she said.

Booth snorted. "I'm fine, geez I was kidding, my heart is fine."

"I know, but you look kind of pale."

Booth knew she was probably right about that. He suddenly felt extremely tired. With a sigh, he leaned back, gesturing for Brennan to sit with him. She sat, leaning her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I scared you."

Booth snorted, not really liking the word she chose. _Scared_? What was he, a little girl? But he smiled anyway. His looked down at his hand there it was resting comfortably on Brennan's belly.

"I'm always scared of losing you Bones," he confessed. "This blood thing just made it more tangible."

"I'm scared too, terrified sometimes," Brennan said softly. She brought her hand to his, lacing her fingers with his.

Booth looked up and into her eyes. "We'll just… you know, take one day at a time and… it will all work out. It will be okay."

Brennan nodded. "It will be okay," she agreed.

And somehow she knew that this time - it would.

XxxxX

_**THE END**_

_A/N: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this story, it means a lot to me, SEFBIAC has (strangely enough) been my favorite story to write, so I'm glad you guys liked it :) _

_I'm thinking of doing a sequel, it might take a while, but keep an eye out for it. I'm going to call it "Sometimes even destiny fails" SED'F : ) it's not going to be as tragic as SEFBIAC but you know me – I love the angst. _

_Oh and the song __I used for this chapter is called "You can let go" - Crystal Shawanda_


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